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Showing posts from September, 2013

Weird Dreams

My dreams during pregnancy are the most psychedelic thing I have ever experienced.  Some of them just need to be documented for posterity.  Here are a few doozies... I'm on a battleship.  I have to pee.  The battleship has 26 port-a-potties.  Each one has a warrior specially trained to fight zombies chained up within it.  Most of the port-a-potties are full to capacity or are in disrepair.  I run from one to the other looking for a clean one.  One of them is guarded by a zombie warrior who values cleanliness, she's actually someone I went to elementary school with.  However, she values it to such a point that she is a germaphobe and won't allow others to use it.  I have to barter with her until I am allowed in... I wake up with a strong urge to go to the bathroom. I give birth to a baby who disappears below my navel and resurfaces as a fully-grown bearded man.  He is interested in breastfeeding.  I deny him and quickly face my maternal guilt. The husband and I are ge