Mama Thoughts

I'm laying here half thrilled and half sad that I can't be with Yanik who flew to Reno today to go to the burn.  Last year's theme was Fertility 2.0, and little did I know that a year after getting "spiritually" married to Yan on the playa I would miss the following year due to some Fertility 2.0. :) Tonight was also our first full committee Dance Marathon meeting.  It's always so exciting to get the kids excited and pumped up about a new charity and a new goal for the year.  The late nights are always worth staying at school and being stuck in traffic on the way home in order to hang out with kids as motivated and giving as my DM-ers.   But both of these different things are so indicative of what I'm so worried and concerned about with the whole "becoming a mama" experience.  Will I have to give up DM? Will it feel like I'm giving something up when or if I do? Can I keep the things that mean so much to me close and constant as I beco...

I've been writing in a journal, but it just really isn't the same as typing.  There's something magical about being able to record almost as fast as I think... it becomes more natural and organic.  Which is kinda like being pregnant this time.  It's incredible.  I'm scared to tell people sometimes how much I'm loving it.  On one hand I don't want to be resented by others who have a really hard time hurling for the first few months or walking around zombie-like... but on the other hand, after what I went through the first time... I friggin' deserve this.  I wake up every morning with baby flutters or baby hiccups within me and feel this little girl coming to life, and there's something so magical about it.  Even with the anatomy and physiology knowledge, and my in-depth understanding of mitosis and cell division and synaptic formation... there's something just pure magic about knowing that this little thing within is actually real.  I'll be a...