Mama Thoughts

We're going to Buenos Aires tomorrow.  Argentina. You don't know this but BA is the site of my own personal Eat, Pray, Love story. I moved there in 2009 on a Fulbright grant.  I was completely heart-broken and thought that my life was pretty much set in sadness.  I welcomed a change and a different scene.  I moved to a strange land where I didn't know anyone, the language, and was heading out to do research and work at a school full of little portenos. I know it's a huge cliche, but I found myself in that city.  I discovered a yoga studio a few blocks from my home and took a few classes.  It was my only experience with yoga aside from a cruise ship class.  I fell in love.  I started doing yoga 4-5 times a week.  I jogged in the park.  I made incredible girlfriends from Australia and Belgium and Amsterdam.  I went out dancing.  I lost emotional baggage and physical weight.  I did neuroscience research and developed ...

This little person and us have hit a rhythm. We wake up (hopefully not super early because our furnace kicks in), we have our routines, we say "bye bye" and get kisses on the cheek (this is our newest trick).  We go to our homes for the day and then I rush back to get my little girl once school is over. Every day she greets me with her mouth agape and crawls or walks over to me.  She hugs me tight and shows me around her classroom.  We get dressed and giggle in the car while we listen to music, eat cheerios and point out the new body part we're learning that day.  We get home, she knocks the door knocker and opens the mailbox, and waits for me to get undressed so we can get a snack and drink half a sippy cup of water.   She walks around and makes sure all of the TV remotes are where they need to be, plays some piano and then we make dinner.  We eat all sorts of randomness and then play a little more until it's time for bath. She doesn't mind getting ...

Oi! What an incredible two weeks we've had. I've weaned my child.  Weaned I say!  I have achieved independence.  I will say that I was hella worried about this moment and it did kind of just sneak up on me.  It wasn't some magical thing where I looked down at her and thought... "this will be the last time."  It just happened.  We woke up, I wasn't in pain from engorgement and she wasn't insistent upon nursing in the morning and it just was over.  Just like that.  She lived, and I lived.  We moved on.  It's very very surreal. But what isn't surreal is how I have instantly changed my lifestyle.  I don't know if it's the drop in hormones or what... but I have begun being myself again.  I can't even say that I can put a finger on the change, but I want to start taking care of myself, she isn't the sole reason to get out of bed, and I care about what I put on in the morning.  My husband is also re-entering the picture. ...

We just made it home. One week in California with my brother-- it's like the best birth control out there for single folks.  :) My little lady got to play in the sand, visit the zoo, go on a hike, eat brunch at the Ritz in Laguna, bond (kinda) with her cousin Italian Greyhound, play at a playground, get lots of sun, and also managed to get sick (or teething... we're not sure). Her fourth tooth is sprouting from the top of her mouth.  She's starting to take more chances and getting a little braver.  When she's sick it's not so great but that's not the purpose of this post.  Here goes 2014. We moved.  We raised our daughter to the age of 1.  We learned to work together as a team.  We learned to love each other in a different kind of way.  We let our own needs and concerns fall by the wayside in order to deal with this little lady and put her needs and concerns first.  We have turned our house into a home.  We have almost started l...

Well... this past weekend we celebrated! This little lady turned one year old.  We made it through 365 days and more importantly nights with this little person.  Yan made a video of her first year of life... and it's incredible how this human turned from a little sac of uncoordinated impulses into a real life lady with opinions and a sense of humor and mischief that is a joy to behold. She taught us so much about ourselves as well as each other.  I know now that my husband is a softie of the best kind.  He will do pretty much anything to get a smile out of that little girl.  I know that I have a crazy need to get things right and make sure they're on a schedule... and that my little person will do all that she can to derail that plan.  :)  I'm getting better at letting go, but I definitely have a long way to go. I've learned to relax and take more time for myself as the year has progresses... but still need to do more of that.  Taking time fo...

Chanukah started last night. Thanks to my mother in law picking up baby I was able to get to the grocery store and pick up food and drive home and make latkes and light the menorah.  We had a plate full of latkes for dinner.  I got to see Lilah do her new trick of when she grabs something to eat and blows on it before putting it in her mouth. She's a cautious little lady. She won't go up the stairs if they're too steep, she doesn't try to go down stairs ever, and she is totally petrified of hot food and drinks.  She's pretty funny.  I've become less cautious with age... mostly due to crazy amounts of mistakes regardless of how hard I protected myself against them.  It makes me think about risk taking and how I could actually teach my kid to take a few.  That's an interesting line to walk. For now I'm pretty thrilled about the stairs.  :)

We're getting there.   50 weeks old.  Almost one. Third tooth sprouted.  We're working on our other tooth and we'll be bucktoothed soon enough. She's babbling and repeating words after everyone that says anything. It doesn't sound like anything yet but when I yell "Yanik" she yells ah-ee!  When I say "Mama" she says baba!  We're close. We're cruising hardcore around couches and coffee tables (which all parents hate and darkly warn about constantly).  She'll stand up on a toy, and then grab another toy and hold it and let go of her support... wobble for a few seconds then snap back to reality and sink back down to the ground for safety. We're down to nursing 3 times a day.  She theoretically could be weaned at any moment.  Here I'm the one holding us back.  I'm terrified of bedtime with a bottle.  I don't know if she'll take one from me.  At the same time I'm done pumping and am kind of ready to be ba...