Mama Thoughts

This weekend in yoga there was a substitute teacher.  It wasn't an incredible class, however she started off with a quote to set the tone and this particular one stuck with me throughout the practice, and even on my ride home. "It doesn't take a lot of strength to hang on.  It takes a lot of strength to let go." I've been struggling with a bunch of things where this could apply.   I have been given a whole lot of unsolicited advice as of late that has ticked me off to the Nth degree (people think that giving advice to pregnant women is a super idea... I would like to take a moment to assure them otherwise).  I've been carrying around a whole lot of bitterness and resentment regarding this advice.  It's time to let go. Pregnancy itself this time around has been significantly more achy and it occurred much earlier in the pregnancy.  My pelvis and hips and ligaments and hamstrings feel very often as if they are hanging out by a very thin little threa...

I haven't blogged as much about this pregnancy as much as the first.  There are many many reasons for this.  First of all, I'm older and had more reservations and worries about this pregnancy being full term and didn't want to evil eye the whole situation (with actual people who read the blog).  Secondly, it's crazy how much time I don't have this time around to sit around and bask in the phenomenon of my baby and my body.  I have a toddler.  Little LJ doesn't exactly give me tons of time to sit about and focus and meditate on me.  I haven't been to one prenatal yoga class yet (hopefully I'm going this weekend).  I haven't had the time to sit and reflect.  So the whole 25 weeks pregnant thing really snuck up on me.  I'm about to schedule my last "every month appointment" and switch to seeing my midwife every two weeks.  We're buying furniture and figuring out the new baby's room.  Things are getting real. So here I am! Crazy ...

School started this week.  Lilah remembered the routine and immediately said "ok bye bye mama" and gave me a hug and kiss and walked away.  I wanted a little more drama for the end of our summer, but recognized a blessing when I saw it.  :) We're both on our own again doing our own thing.  She's a trooper and loves daycare and I'm told daily that she's the "most mellow and chill" kid in the place.  In fact, the other day the daycare director told me that she hopes that Lilah grows a thicker skin for when other kids take from her or don't wait her turn.  Interesting, since she doesn't really act that way at home.  We always know when she's disappointed.  She's also learning English at a crazy rate.  Telling me to "come here" today and also to play "peek-a-boo, koo-koo" with her.  She's translating as she speaks, which is kind of amazing.  

This is something I've struggled with since the beginning.  There's something incredibly exhausting about being an extrovert parent.  I love people.  I need them to recharge.  I need hanging out with a beer around a fire pit or a good discussion over a dinner table.  I don't need a movie or a dance club where I can't actually talk to people.  The only issue is that usually by the end of the day I can only get out of the house around 8 or so and then want to go to sleep around 10 or so in order to get some shuteye before waking up at 6am.  So heading out and having an incredible evening of recharging is not something that happens often.  Especially when the majority of your people are in the same exact situation as you.  We saw some of our friends recently and I thought to myself "FRIENDS! Why has it been so long!" And then I realized, we're all sailing this lonely sea together.  A whole bunch of folks in little sailboats floating along ...

Last weekend I met up with some sorority friends from college and we had a mama's weekend away.  There were 6 of us at the house.  I very quickly realized that I need to be much much happier with what I have and how lucky, fortunate, or even blessed I have been.  Of these wonderful ladies I was the only one that had no complications during birth or pregnancy and a very very healthy baby (knock on wood, spit, evil eye evil eye) thus far.  Two of these women had babies with congenital heart defects that required open heart surgery.  One of them had premature twins who needed to be fed through an NG tube for 11 months.  One of them struggled with infertility through two rounds of IVF.  All of them had families who provided less support than mine or they didn't ask for the support. I'm very very lucky.  I have a healthy little girl.  She's hilarious and happy and giggly and has quite the personality.  I have three sets of grandparents I ca...

Dear lord.  I have always known that I'm a stubborn ass.  But this little girl of mine is showing me specifically how stubborn I truly am.  I know that this is all my fault.  My husband has none of this in him.  He isn't a manipulator.  He isn't stubborn.  He's very reasonable. This little girl has figure out how to play her parents very quickly.  We went from innocent babe to conniving little person pretty much within a week.  We made the sin of going into her room for her cries once and she has learned and evolved.  She had one night where she figure out that if she said mama and reached for me and gave me kisses I'd be more likely to stay so we stood there with her kissing me and petting my face for 3-5 minutes until I figured her out.  Then we had some screams.  We had a night where she wanted to sit in all of the chairs in the room.  We figured it out.  We had some screams.  Tonight she actually soiled he...

We're going to Buenos Aires tomorrow.  Argentina. You don't know this but BA is the site of my own personal Eat, Pray, Love story. I moved there in 2009 on a Fulbright grant.  I was completely heart-broken and thought that my life was pretty much set in sadness.  I welcomed a change and a different scene.  I moved to a strange land where I didn't know anyone, the language, and was heading out to do research and work at a school full of little portenos. I know it's a huge cliche, but I found myself in that city.  I discovered a yoga studio a few blocks from my home and took a few classes.  It was my only experience with yoga aside from a cruise ship class.  I fell in love.  I started doing yoga 4-5 times a week.  I jogged in the park.  I made incredible girlfriends from Australia and Belgium and Amsterdam.  I went out dancing.  I lost emotional baggage and physical weight.  I did neuroscience research and developed ...