Mama Thoughts

This was an election year. It was a very tough election if you were a minority of any sort... or a woman. Although we technically are the majority, politically we are definitely a minority.  I've become more and more informed about this over the past few years (and this election in particular definitely hit me personally. Apparently I wasn't alone. Next week I will be traveling to Washington, D.C. to march with thousands of other women the day after the inauguration of Donald Trump.  The gman who pledges to "Make America Great Again" while simultaneously grabbing women by the pussy and bullying all those who are unable to stand up for themselves. Many people ask me what I stand to gain from going to DC.  After all, I'm still nursing my son and I have two children who I need to leave in order to make this stand.  Nobody will really even know that I was there... what do I hope to achieve? I march because I refuse to sit.  I refuse to accept this as t...

So... there's this job.  It's the job that I've literally wanted since I was about 23 years old.  I pretty much structured my entire professional life around this job.  I got a master's degree.  I put in the time at another school doing this job (exceptionally well I might add).  I had a baby.  I quit the job at the other school.  I moved to a different new school knowing that the opportunity to get this new job would open up in a few years.  I planned to have my babies before this job opened so that if I was ready, it would be ready for me.  I applied for the job.  There were 5 rounds of interviews for the job.  I didn't get past round 1. I was crushed. I haven't really ever faced a professional defeat.  It isn't a thing.  I usually set my mind to something and get it. This one was different.  I was so stressed out about getting the job that I choked.  I didn't make myself clear to my interviewers and I fel...

:) I'm waking up 2-3 times a night now.  Things are improving.  My husband and I are in the same bedroom and baby is in his crib.  We're almost to crawling.  We get on all fours and rock back and forth.  Our scalp is itchy as all get-out and he is constantly clawing at himself regardless of how short his nails are and how much vaseline/ coconut oil/ cocoa butter I have on his head.  He's adorable and has the best gosh-darned attitude of anyone I know.  Today he grabbed the opening of my La Croix can and gashed his little finger pretty hard... we got a bit of a sad face and then instant smiles as I tried to grab his finger.  He thinks the whole world is a big game.  It's pretty great. Lilah is getting better with the big sister thing now that he's a little more interactive.  She still freaks out but I think that's more having to do with her being a 2 almost 3-year-old and less with the fact that she thinks she's getting sidelined. ...

We're 4.5 months in. My hair has almost stopped falling out and I'm mostly bald up front. Call it a widows peak that's summited.  I burned my face today while cooking and half of it is covered in splotches. I'm getting woken up about 5 times a night on average. I'm not at my prettiest. In fact... This is pretty much the unprettiest ive felt in a long long time. This too shall pass. My hair will grow back. The burns will fade. The sleep will come. Such are the lessons of mommy hood. PS.!potty training continues. She continues to train us, and we resist. :(

We've made it to 4 months.  Here are some quick lessons learned (as I rarely have time to sit and reflect anymore). 1) Two kids is harder.  It's doable, but just barely.  Especially with the whole 2 year old and infant spread.  That's rough.  Thank the lord for the nanny (Inna) who is amazing and a godsend.  Only because of her am I able to still spend quality time with all eyes on Lilah, and get to the store or have a little time to get some cooking done.  I think back on the stressful times with one kid and it really seems like that was not such a big deal.  It's kind of incredible how just when you think this is all you can handle, you get a little more and can handle that as well.  I am sure that's how folks with 3 and 4 and more handle it, but we ourselves are done. 2) Noah is the sweetest baby of all time.  He's just so enjoyable.  He smiles and sings and is constantly amazed at the world.  He stinks in the car occas...

Here it goes.  I'm going to rant.  It's time. Today was the day to trigger such a thing. The day started out very well.  Our nanny came so that I could go to my first exercise class since baby.  Went to Daily Method and tried my first Barre class.  Totally kicked my little isolated muscles. I will for sure be sore tomorrow. Came home, ran to the shower, grabbed the baby from the nanny and sent her home.  Baby was perfect all morning. Afternoon hits. I'm super tired.  Not only am I waking up 3-4 times a night, I'm also dumb enough to go to a Barre class... so what did I expect?  I'm going to try to get baby to sleep so that I can nap. Baby won't sleep. He gets overtired so I succumb and go for a walk with the stroller.  He passes out for 30 minutes.  I think... "I'll head home, park him outside by the door and nap on the couch."  He wakes up. I play with him a bit, nurse him, try to get him to sleep.  No dice. ...

Whelp it's official. Game on. My first "I don't love you" came in today.  It actually stung less than I thought it would. I read this blog a few weeks prior to giving birth about "10 things that nobody will tell you about having a second child."  One of the items was "you will have moments where you hate your firstborn child."  I thought to myself "No way!" She is too young to understand what's going on, she's going to feel lonely and I am going to do everything I can to shield this little person from the big bad baby that is about to be born. Whelp. Yeah. I don't hate my little girl.  But once that baby comes out and you see how little they are and how big their sibling is and how they have a functioning brain and the little one doesn't... it happens pretty quickly actually.  My allegiance can now swing either way.  And especially around bedtime, it's swinging towards my lover and not my fighter. This l...