Mama Thoughts

Holy cow.  Parenthood.  It's here and it didn't just tiptoe in like a little kitten, it arrived with a roar and then settled into our living room and I think it might stay awhile.  I think we have a relatively easy child, but there are definitely some things that need to be written down immediately (or after 10 days, since time is something that doesn't really exist anymore). They say you should never have a child to fix a marriage.  Holy crap are they right.  If I didn't like my husband, this would be a very very different and unsuccessful adventure.  This is taxing.  Straight up hard work.  I've never been one for sleep deprivation, and this is pushing it to the max.  You don't always have time/ forget to eat (if I forget to eat this is a big deal people )  and you don't sleep much and you have people in and out... if you don't like your spouse, just forget about having children together.  Do yourselves both a favor.  I ...

Today was probably the most incredible day of my life.  I became a mama! I knew that there was a baby in there,  but something about this whole experience had me doubting until the very end.  The midwife said that the look of surprise on my face was pretty unreal,  and it was.  The whole thing was unreal. ------ stop reading here if you don't want graphic details.  Yesterday  (Friday) was our second trifecta appointment,  this time with Allison.  That girl knows how to strip membranes. She took care of business. Lilahs activity was low again during the NST, but with the help of m&ms and Yanik playing harmonica,  she woke up and we passed.  I was crampy the whole day afterwards.  We went to the movies and saw "American Hustle" (totally excellent) and then went home and hung out.  Went to sleep around 11. I was woken up by contractions around 4:30 am. Went back to sleep,  but wasn't really able to sleep due t...

So I'm done with work.  Until April.  Which is crazy, since I think I've had a job continuously since about the age of 13.  At least one job, sometimes up to three.  I know that I'm getting a new "job" and this will also be time consuming, but actually not having to go into an office during winter months isn't something that I've ever experienced.  So that's exciting. :) We had our second trifecta appointment today.  I made Yan come with me after the last appointment just in case.  We did the ultrasound, the non-stress test, and then they swept my membranes again.  We scheduled the induction for 10am next Friday.  I've had the Braxton Hicks all day but nothing exciting quite yet.  Although tomorrow I have another massage with the wonderful Dana and have very very high hopes.  There is an element of performance anxiety with the knowledge that people are leaving town that I would love to have present, as well as people flying in wh...

People who run will understand when I talk about the final stretch.  When you know you only have a certain distance left that is totally manageable, but you have to take yourself out of your body and into your head-space in order to make it through.  You turn the corner, you see the finish line, but then you notice something.  The wind is blowing at you, the ground has an incline up to the line, your left calf is cramping up... and then you start to have doubts.  This is pretty much where I am now mentally.  I know that it's doable.  I know that it's right around the corner.  I know that one of the worst-case scenarios is that a week from now I'll get induced and that then it will all be done... but I need to get into my head and out of my body to do it.  So that's what I'm working on. I had one of my legs give out on me today.  I was sitting on a hard chair tutoring a kid on the cell organelles, osmosis and diffusion and after 30 minutes ...

So... we're still here!  Today was my midwife appointment for my 40.5 weeks.  I went in, got checked with an exclamation of "holy cow, that baby is low!" from the midwife (so much to all of those doubters who keep telling me I haven't "dropped yet"), got an ultrasound where all was pronounced to be great and I got to see the little lady's liver, kidneys, spine, and legs (HOW did all of that just happen?!), and then got a stupid non-stress test.  Why stupid you might ask?  Well... it was right around 11.  And 11 happens to be the time that my little lady loves to sleep.  So they didn't like the results and made me chug ice water and eat two chocolate cookies (those were actually really good) and she moved a bit, but still not enough so it was declared that I failed my test and I was sent off to the hospital.  I heard her heart the whole time and it was steady so I knew she was still alright... but still. I freaked.   I called Yan and he came out t...

A day come and gone.   I woke up with some contractions but they slowed down quickly and the day was pretty uneventful.  I participated in the pep assembly via text and everything went well.  I went and got a massage from the wonderful Dana Cruz, and then came home.  We tried to go see a movie and it was an epic fail but we played some arcade games instead.  By the time we got home we were pretty pooped, so we watched "Legally Blonde" while Yanik hacked and then headed to sleep.  I was having some serious pains at that time, combined with stomach and contractions and hoped to get as much sleep as I could.  I woke up at 9am, and here we are! Day 1 after due date.   One thing I've learned.  There's something to the idea of performance anxiety.  We're giving updates to friends and family at this point unsolicited to try to cut back on the "are you giving birth yet" conversation.  This might get old pretty quickly. :)  ...

So yesterday was fun.  :) I spent the day running around the school getting ready for the pep assembly today.   After a full day of checking in with students and staff around the building I headed over to the midwives for my weekly checkup.  On the way over I realized that I had been having contractions more often than usual.  I went in and had some fairly regular contractions while there.  I was checked and told that I could be fairly far along, or might be nowhere at all. Giving birth is not straight forward... I will tell you what!  Gaye told me that I should stay home tomorrow since running an assembly and then going into labor isn't really what you want to do.  I was supposed to take the day off and relax. We went to dinner, watched "August Rush" and then headed to sleep.  I was up a few times with stomach issues but slept in and then took a walk around the neighborhood.  Showered, and now I'm sitting here thinking whether or not I ...

Oh boy! Here we go folks.  This is the final stretch.  And boy is it a mind game.  I'm ready.  Like actually ready.  And I feel like as long as the two of us are together, we can get through this.  I'm fairly calm... and the only thing that keeps getting me all riled up are the people who check up on me daily at this point asking "how you doin?" "there yet?" "nervous?"... I love all of these people and I know that they are trying to help but it's literally the only conversation that a girl has at this point in her pregnancy.  And if you feel good, but still have all of these people around you asking if you're ok... you start to wonder if you're ok.  So I'm trying not to go there. Today I feel pretty great, yesterday was a rough day.  My ligaments are pretty much tired rubber bands at this point.  It's very very questionable whether or not my legs are able to function or do what I ask them to at any given point.  The downward...

The eighth annual Latke Fest came and went!  We hosted about 30 people at our home last night and we made about 25 lbs of latkes for those folk.  It was crazy and at the end of it all my feet looked like they belonged to a Hobbit, but it was rather magical.  First of all, my wonderful friends came early to help.  I had my wonderful husband who doesn't love the social gatherings but does them because he knows it's a holiday gift to me, my wonderful Shaffies, and then Kathy.  Not only did they come and help me fry and cut and prep, but they also brought food, liquor, and furniture along to help.  Afterwards everyone helped clean while I sat with my messed up feet, and my friend Britt assembled to-go bags for all of the folks who came.  I mean... how does a girl get so lucky???  Between my friends and family I'm able to continue believing that the world is a wonderful place where wonderful people live... and the rest of the stuff is just negative cr...