Mama Thoughts

These days are getting easier and much more fulfilling.  My kids still like me.  They want me around.  I'm learning to appreciate the time with them and not dart away.  I'm still planning little breaks, but am always ready to go back to them as soon as it's time to leave.  Yan's starting to ease out of his job and is well on his way to working for himself.  This means more family time.  I'm becoming more involved with work and am serving on committees that fulfill me.  My parents are doing well and we have tons of family that wants to be with our kids on a regular basis.  I've hit a stride.  And I'm very lucky.  So here's to breathing a little more regularly and being present in every moment. Things are good. 

Get up 6:20.  Shower. Get dressed.  Out the door by 7am.  Drive to school.  Get to Key Club or student meeting.  Make protein shake.  Teach.  Walk out of school at 3:30.  At school by 4pm. Pick up kids.  Run home while they snack from one of 5 snacks stored in the car.  Run to store while they sit with nanny.  Make dinner.  Yan walks in at 6pm.  Eat.  Bath for Noah at 6:30, Lilah at 7:00.  Both kids asleep by 8.  Collapse on couch.  Watch one thing.  In bed by 9:30.  Rinse.  Repeat. I have to say that regardless of the routine and the repetition, this is pretty good.  The home stuff allows me to not get caught up in the work.  The work allows me to not get caught up in the kids and obsess over details.  I like it. The kids are particularly delicious. Lilah is figuring out the big sister thing.  She plays with Noah, she likes being his center.  He loves her an...

The first school year at this job where I'm not pregnant or nursing.  What an incredible difference.  I'm able to think clearly as I'm sleeping through the night.  I have won back an hour a day that I was normally pumping in a closet.  I am able to think coherent thoughts and keep to-do-lists in my head without losing them completely.  I feel like I can think about what to wear and actually execute.  I'm able to shower regularly.  I see the other teachers going through the same period of time and feel incredible empathy and sympathy for them, but am SO glad that I'm not there anymore.  Little man is adorable, has sprouted 8 teeth by now and is hilarious.  He does have a nasty biting habit.  There's a poor little girl in daycare and for whatever reason he is hell-bent on biting her.  Yesterday I got four accident reports.  They said there were even more attempts, but they couldn't keep up with the paperwork.  There's not...

This is going to be a little lengthy, as I haven't written in a while.  The reason for my lack of writing is frankly my surplus of parenting.  :) The kids are home with me for the summer and the summer of 14 months and 3.5 years is proving to be a handful. Lilah is a legit person.  She speaks in crazy complex sentences and knows words in Russian that I don't know.  She was sitting and working on a Play-doh pony and making the mane.  I said that was some very pretty hair, and she said... "Мама, это не волосы, это грива."  Well dang. She and I have come to a rhythm.  We didn't jive super well at the beginning, she was getting used to me and the routine and I was getting used to her and her ways.  She brings me to my first observation of stay-at-home-parenting.  Leaving kids for hours every day is better for me, but it isn't really better for my parenting.  I feel like I'm a much better parent when there isn't that pull-and-adjust on t...

Noah's walking. He walks like a cowboy wearing chaps and spurs.  He toddles back and forth with a huge grin on his face and has little to no fear. Lilah is getting less and less jealous and now we need to remind her to not love her brother quite so aggressively so that she doesn't take him down with her constant snuggling and kisses.  She's becoming shy in public.  It's usually endearing.  She's also stunning.  That child makes me catch my breath occasionally when she's thinking off quietly and her eyes stare off and her hair just cascades... oi.  She's a beauty.  And I'm almost sure it's not just because she's mine that I feel this way.  :) We're down to two feedings a day.  I'm really struggling here.  Tonight I was nursing Noah to sleep and after he finished eating I scooped him up and rocked him a little.  I'm really trying to get all that I can from each of these sessions just in case it is the last.  He was struggl...

I need to make a confession.  I had some serious anger my first time around motherhood.  Having a baby with colic didn't help.  Being an older first-time mom that was accustomed to her life being a certain way with a huge amount of personal freedom didn't help.  The fact that I'm just frankly a little spoiled didn't help.  I was bitter about nursing.  I was bitter about pumping.  I was bitter that I was the only one who could solve many many problems during that first year the first time around.  I was prepared for this bitterness during the second round of motherhood. I knew what I was getting myself into.  I steeled myself, was prepared to weather the storm and deal with all of the crap.  I knew I was going to be tired.  I knew I would have to make sacrifices.  And most of all I knew I was going to sit in that little cinder block closet at work for two 30-minute shifts every work day and mentally prepare myself for the pid...

This was an election year. It was a very tough election if you were a minority of any sort... or a woman. Although we technically are the majority, politically we are definitely a minority.  I've become more and more informed about this over the past few years (and this election in particular definitely hit me personally. Apparently I wasn't alone. Next week I will be traveling to Washington, D.C. to march with thousands of other women the day after the inauguration of Donald Trump.  The gman who pledges to "Make America Great Again" while simultaneously grabbing women by the pussy and bullying all those who are unable to stand up for themselves. Many people ask me what I stand to gain from going to DC.  After all, I'm still nursing my son and I have two children who I need to leave in order to make this stand.  Nobody will really even know that I was there... what do I hope to achieve? I march because I refuse to sit.  I refuse to accept this as t...

So... there's this job.  It's the job that I've literally wanted since I was about 23 years old.  I pretty much structured my entire professional life around this job.  I got a master's degree.  I put in the time at another school doing this job (exceptionally well I might add).  I had a baby.  I quit the job at the other school.  I moved to a different new school knowing that the opportunity to get this new job would open up in a few years.  I planned to have my babies before this job opened so that if I was ready, it would be ready for me.  I applied for the job.  There were 5 rounds of interviews for the job.  I didn't get past round 1. I was crushed. I haven't really ever faced a professional defeat.  It isn't a thing.  I usually set my mind to something and get it. This one was different.  I was so stressed out about getting the job that I choked.  I didn't make myself clear to my interviewers and I fel...

:) I'm waking up 2-3 times a night now.  Things are improving.  My husband and I are in the same bedroom and baby is in his crib.  We're almost to crawling.  We get on all fours and rock back and forth.  Our scalp is itchy as all get-out and he is constantly clawing at himself regardless of how short his nails are and how much vaseline/ coconut oil/ cocoa butter I have on his head.  He's adorable and has the best gosh-darned attitude of anyone I know.  Today he grabbed the opening of my La Croix can and gashed his little finger pretty hard... we got a bit of a sad face and then instant smiles as I tried to grab his finger.  He thinks the whole world is a big game.  It's pretty great. Lilah is getting better with the big sister thing now that he's a little more interactive.  She still freaks out but I think that's more having to do with her being a 2 almost 3-year-old and less with the fact that she thinks she's getting sidelined. ...

We're 4.5 months in. My hair has almost stopped falling out and I'm mostly bald up front. Call it a widows peak that's summited.  I burned my face today while cooking and half of it is covered in splotches. I'm getting woken up about 5 times a night on average. I'm not at my prettiest. In fact... This is pretty much the unprettiest ive felt in a long long time. This too shall pass. My hair will grow back. The burns will fade. The sleep will come. Such are the lessons of mommy hood. PS.!potty training continues. She continues to train us, and we resist. :(

We've made it to 4 months.  Here are some quick lessons learned (as I rarely have time to sit and reflect anymore). 1) Two kids is harder.  It's doable, but just barely.  Especially with the whole 2 year old and infant spread.  That's rough.  Thank the lord for the nanny (Inna) who is amazing and a godsend.  Only because of her am I able to still spend quality time with all eyes on Lilah, and get to the store or have a little time to get some cooking done.  I think back on the stressful times with one kid and it really seems like that was not such a big deal.  It's kind of incredible how just when you think this is all you can handle, you get a little more and can handle that as well.  I am sure that's how folks with 3 and 4 and more handle it, but we ourselves are done. 2) Noah is the sweetest baby of all time.  He's just so enjoyable.  He smiles and sings and is constantly amazed at the world.  He stinks in the car occas...

Here it goes.  I'm going to rant.  It's time. Today was the day to trigger such a thing. The day started out very well.  Our nanny came so that I could go to my first exercise class since baby.  Went to Daily Method and tried my first Barre class.  Totally kicked my little isolated muscles. I will for sure be sore tomorrow. Came home, ran to the shower, grabbed the baby from the nanny and sent her home.  Baby was perfect all morning. Afternoon hits. I'm super tired.  Not only am I waking up 3-4 times a night, I'm also dumb enough to go to a Barre class... so what did I expect?  I'm going to try to get baby to sleep so that I can nap. Baby won't sleep. He gets overtired so I succumb and go for a walk with the stroller.  He passes out for 30 minutes.  I think... "I'll head home, park him outside by the door and nap on the couch."  He wakes up. I play with him a bit, nurse him, try to get him to sleep.  No dice. ...

Whelp it's official. Game on. My first "I don't love you" came in today.  It actually stung less than I thought it would. I read this blog a few weeks prior to giving birth about "10 things that nobody will tell you about having a second child."  One of the items was "you will have moments where you hate your firstborn child."  I thought to myself "No way!" She is too young to understand what's going on, she's going to feel lonely and I am going to do everything I can to shield this little person from the big bad baby that is about to be born. Whelp. Yeah. I don't hate my little girl.  But once that baby comes out and you see how little they are and how big their sibling is and how they have a functioning brain and the little one doesn't... it happens pretty quickly actually.  My allegiance can now swing either way.  And especially around bedtime, it's swinging towards my lover and not my fighter. This l...

Today was my six week check-up with the midwives.  They check out your junk, weigh you, ask you some "are you suffering from PPD" questions and then send you on your way with birth control (lol... just in case waking up 4 times a night really leaves you with a strong libido).  I've been thinking a lot lately about how a second child is different from the first... and this check-up really brought it home. Last time, with Lilah, the post-partum was such a shock for me .  She was a very difficult baby.  Now that I have another to compare... there is no comparison.  Sure, he gets a little fussy around dinner/bedtime when there are 40 balls in the air at once and Yan and I are doing our damndest to get our needy 2 year old to sleep and maintaining the illusion that "nothing has changed."  We've got potty-training regression, attention-seeking behavior, and a typical two year old who is just pushing her boundaries as far as she can before they snap back. ...

Oh boy! We're 3 weeks in with Noah Robert Pritzker (that's the official name).  Here are the truths. Babies are not easy. They are however, much easier the second time around. Recovery is also significantly easier the second time around (especially after a quick labor). Sleep is something you don't truly love until it's no longer available. Babies are unpredictable little creatures who love to be perfect one day and then the next only feed and nurse and feed and nurse and cry. It's an unwinnable competition between the two kids as to who gets more time with mommy... except one kid can tell it's unjust and the other can just tell you they're hungry. You lose the weight quickly... but your skin doesn't get the memo right away. I lived through the Bris.  That was rough.  He healed in a week, but my guilt might take significantly longer to subside. Being home on maternity leave is the hardest thing ever if you love to socialize.  I love to social...

Welp! It's over.  Just like that.  Here's our birth story.  First- the short version with the few details for the squeamish, and then the long one with all of the nitty gritty that you can decide whether or not to read. Baby boy Pritzker (name TBA in 8 days at Bris) was born April 30th at 12am on the dot.  Literally.  The hospital says that means it's an April 30th bday, but I feel like it could have gone either way.  :)  8lb. 2oz. Only 1 oz. heavier than his sister.  His labor however, was anything but the same.  Read on if you're not squeamish. ************************************************************************* We got to the hospital at 10am to check in.  We were due for an induction since this little stinker hadn't made any progress in 42 weeks.  Already a whole different story from last time... where I was already transitioning and hardcore contracting.  This time...  we stopped at a bakery and Trader Jo...

Here we are! One day later than we made it with Ms. LJ. I'm large and in charge and have been home on maternity leave for 2 weeks.  Who knows if that is hurting the situation? Nobody. One thing's for certain and that is that my body loves to host little people for longer than the average bear.  Maybe it's because I'm secretly terrified of having two? Maybe I'm literally extending this little "vacation" psychosomatically? Who knows.  All I know is that this little person is going to get evicted at 10 am on Friday morning if he doesn't figure it out himself.  THAT is terrifying to me.  Induction isn't something that I really ever wanted. Kid is simply happy.  I'm going to these "trifecta" appointments every 3 days where they measure my fluid levels (making sure there's enough amniotic fluid), and do a non-stress test.  That kid has plenty of liquid to be swimming in and usually passes his NST within 3 minutes with the amount o...

Alright kiddo! Here's mama writing to you while you're comfy cozy within. I've had a whole week off of work.   Gardened (all of the containers are full, planted 70+ bulbs in the garden, visited like 4garden centers).   Cooked (Passover seder is tonight, baked all sorts of goodies and made matzoh ball soup).  Organized (the house is more or less clean, and your room is ready).  Went to village hall and set up permits for the driveway concrete work that needs to get done. I'm ready. Went to the midwives for my second overdue appointment today.   You're super active, love to be in there, passed your non-stress test in like 3 minutes (still had to sit there for the 17 additional minutes though).  Apparently I'm like 4 cm dilated (this means NOTHING) but you're still at -2 station which means you aren't ready to engage and party quite yet.  But who knows?! Could happen any day or any minute.  So many exciting possibilities for this Pesach seder. ...

Today was my last day of spring break solo with little LJ.  We woke up and on the way to dropping Yan off at the train she requested to also ride... so we did.  :) We took the Swift to Howard and back just so she could.  She was so thrilled at some point on the ride back that she grabbed my head and brought my nose down to her for a kiss. We went to Mariano's and got her the little red shopping cart and we stuck with that all the way until the cash register (we usually abandon it in the produce section).  We sampled olives from the olive bar.  She smelled all of the flowers in the floral section.  We sampled all of the the samples. We used the potty at the grocery store (going on 3 weeks in underwear!). We took a trip to PetSmart and looked at the dogs through the window and the birds and the hamsters and the fish.  We hunted for the frogs living in the aquariums and the snails. We came home and did all of the things she wanted.  We ate...