Mama Thoughts

School started this week.  Lilah remembered the routine and immediately said "ok bye bye mama" and gave me a hug and kiss and walked away.  I wanted a little more drama for the end of our summer, but recognized a blessing when I saw it.  :) We're both on our own again doing our own thing.  She's a trooper and loves daycare and I'm told daily that she's the "most mellow and chill" kid in the place.  In fact, the other day the daycare director told me that she hopes that Lilah grows a thicker skin for when other kids take from her or don't wait her turn.  Interesting, since she doesn't really act that way at home.  We always know when she's disappointed.  She's also learning English at a crazy rate.  Telling me to "come here" today and also to play "peek-a-boo, koo-koo" with her.  She's translating as she speaks, which is kind of amazing.  

This is something I've struggled with since the beginning.  There's something incredibly exhausting about being an extrovert parent.  I love people.  I need them to recharge.  I need hanging out with a beer around a fire pit or a good discussion over a dinner table.  I don't need a movie or a dance club where I can't actually talk to people.  The only issue is that usually by the end of the day I can only get out of the house around 8 or so and then want to go to sleep around 10 or so in order to get some shuteye before waking up at 6am.  So heading out and having an incredible evening of recharging is not something that happens often.  Especially when the majority of your people are in the same exact situation as you.  We saw some of our friends recently and I thought to myself "FRIENDS! Why has it been so long!" And then I realized, we're all sailing this lonely sea together.  A whole bunch of folks in little sailboats floating along in parallel.  As lo

Last weekend I met up with some sorority friends from college and we had a mama's weekend away.  There were 6 of us at the house.  I very quickly realized that I need to be much much happier with what I have and how lucky, fortunate, or even blessed I have been.  Of these wonderful ladies I was the only one that had no complications during birth or pregnancy and a very very healthy baby (knock on wood, spit, evil eye evil eye) thus far.  Two of these women had babies with congenital heart defects that required open heart surgery.  One of them had premature twins who needed to be fed through an NG tube for 11 months.  One of them struggled with infertility through two rounds of IVF.  All of them had families who provided less support than mine or they didn't ask for the support. I'm very very lucky.  I have a healthy little girl.  She's hilarious and happy and giggly and has quite the personality.  I have three sets of grandparents I can turn to when I need help as wel

Dear lord.  I have always known that I'm a stubborn ass.  But this little girl of mine is showing me specifically how stubborn I truly am.  I know that this is all my fault.  My husband has none of this in him.  He isn't a manipulator.  He isn't stubborn.  He's very reasonable. This little girl has figure out how to play her parents very quickly.  We went from innocent babe to conniving little person pretty much within a week.  We made the sin of going into her room for her cries once and she has learned and evolved.  She had one night where she figure out that if she said mama and reached for me and gave me kisses I'd be more likely to stay so we stood there with her kissing me and petting my face for 3-5 minutes until I figured her out.  Then we had some screams.  We had a night where she wanted to sit in all of the chairs in the room.  We figured it out.  We had some screams.  Tonight she actually soiled her diaper (I swear it was on purpose) and called me in

We're going to Buenos Aires tomorrow.  Argentina. You don't know this but BA is the site of my own personal Eat, Pray, Love story. I moved there in 2009 on a Fulbright grant.  I was completely heart-broken and thought that my life was pretty much set in sadness.  I welcomed a change and a different scene.  I moved to a strange land where I didn't know anyone, the language, and was heading out to do research and work at a school full of little portenos. I know it's a huge cliche, but I found myself in that city.  I discovered a yoga studio a few blocks from my home and took a few classes.  It was my only experience with yoga aside from a cruise ship class.  I fell in love.  I started doing yoga 4-5 times a week.  I jogged in the park.  I made incredible girlfriends from Australia and Belgium and Amsterdam.  I went out dancing.  I lost emotional baggage and physical weight.  I did neuroscience research and developed lesson plans.  I drank a lot of Malbec and ate a

This little person and us have hit a rhythm. We wake up (hopefully not super early because our furnace kicks in), we have our routines, we say "bye bye" and get kisses on the cheek (this is our newest trick).  We go to our homes for the day and then I rush back to get my little girl once school is over. Every day she greets me with her mouth agape and crawls or walks over to me.  She hugs me tight and shows me around her classroom.  We get dressed and giggle in the car while we listen to music, eat cheerios and point out the new body part we're learning that day.  We get home, she knocks the door knocker and opens the mailbox, and waits for me to get undressed so we can get a snack and drink half a sippy cup of water.   She walks around and makes sure all of the TV remotes are where they need to be, plays some piano and then we make dinner.  We eat all sorts of randomness and then play a little more until it's time for bath. She doesn't mind getting clothes

Oi! What an incredible two weeks we've had. I've weaned my child.  Weaned I say!  I have achieved independence.  I will say that I was hella worried about this moment and it did kind of just sneak up on me.  It wasn't some magical thing where I looked down at her and thought... "this will be the last time."  It just happened.  We woke up, I wasn't in pain from engorgement and she wasn't insistent upon nursing in the morning and it just was over.  Just like that.  She lived, and I lived.  We moved on.  It's very very surreal. But what isn't surreal is how I have instantly changed my lifestyle.  I don't know if it's the drop in hormones or what... but I have begun being myself again.  I can't even say that I can put a finger on the change, but I want to start taking care of myself, she isn't the sole reason to get out of bed, and I care about what I put on in the morning.  My husband is also re-entering the picture.  All is much m

We just made it home. One week in California with my brother-- it's like the best birth control out there for single folks.  :) My little lady got to play in the sand, visit the zoo, go on a hike, eat brunch at the Ritz in Laguna, bond (kinda) with her cousin Italian Greyhound, play at a playground, get lots of sun, and also managed to get sick (or teething... we're not sure). Her fourth tooth is sprouting from the top of her mouth.  She's starting to take more chances and getting a little braver.  When she's sick it's not so great but that's not the purpose of this post.  Here goes 2014. We moved.  We raised our daughter to the age of 1.  We learned to work together as a team.  We learned to love each other in a different kind of way.  We let our own needs and concerns fall by the wayside in order to deal with this little lady and put her needs and concerns first.  We have turned our house into a home.  We have almost started living our lives as a coup