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Showing posts from 2013

10 days In- Reflections, Realizations, Confessions.

Holy cow.  Parenthood.  It's here and it didn't just tiptoe in like a little kitten, it arrived with a roar and then settled into our living room and I think it might stay awhile.  I think we have a relatively easy child, but there are definitely some things that need to be written down immediately (or after 10 days, since time is something that doesn't really exist anymore). They say you should never have a child to fix a marriage.  Holy crap are they right.  If I didn't like my husband, this would be a very very different and unsuccessful adventure.  This is taxing.  Straight up hard work.  I've never been one for sleep deprivation, and this is pushing it to the max.  You don't always have time/ forget to eat (if I forget to eat this is a big deal people )  and you don't sleep much and you have people in and out... if you don't like your spouse, just forget about having children together.  Do yourselves both a favor.  I am blessed to have the man

Lilah Jane Pritzker

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Today was probably the most incredible day of my life.  I became a mama! I knew that there was a baby in there,  but something about this whole experience had me doubting until the very end.  The midwife said that the look of surprise on my face was pretty unreal,  and it was.  The whole thing was unreal. ------ stop reading here if you don't want graphic details.  Yesterday  (Friday) was our second trifecta appointment,  this time with Allison.  That girl knows how to strip membranes. She took care of business. Lilahs activity was low again during the NST, but with the help of m&ms and Yanik playing harmonica,  she woke up and we passed.  I was crampy the whole day afterwards.  We went to the movies and saw "American Hustle" (totally excellent) and then went home and hung out.  Went to sleep around 11. I was woken up by contractions around 4:30 am. Went back to sleep,  but wasn't really able to sleep due to so many hard contractions.  I called in at 6am. D

41 Weeks

So I'm done with work.  Until April.  Which is crazy, since I think I've had a job continuously since about the age of 13.  At least one job, sometimes up to three.  I know that I'm getting a new "job" and this will also be time consuming, but actually not having to go into an office during winter months isn't something that I've ever experienced.  So that's exciting. :) We had our second trifecta appointment today.  I made Yan come with me after the last appointment just in case.  We did the ultrasound, the non-stress test, and then they swept my membranes again.  We scheduled the induction for 10am next Friday.  I've had the Braxton Hicks all day but nothing exciting quite yet.  Although tomorrow I have another massage with the wonderful Dana and have very very high hopes.  There is an element of performance anxiety with the knowledge that people are leaving town that I would love to have present, as well as people flying in who would love to

The Final Stretch

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People who run will understand when I talk about the final stretch.  When you know you only have a certain distance left that is totally manageable, but you have to take yourself out of your body and into your head-space in order to make it through.  You turn the corner, you see the finish line, but then you notice something.  The wind is blowing at you, the ground has an incline up to the line, your left calf is cramping up... and then you start to have doubts.  This is pretty much where I am now mentally.  I know that it's doable.  I know that it's right around the corner.  I know that one of the worst-case scenarios is that a week from now I'll get induced and that then it will all be done... but I need to get into my head and out of my body to do it.  So that's what I'm working on. I had one of my legs give out on me today.  I was sitting on a hard chair tutoring a kid on the cell organelles, osmosis and diffusion and after 30 minutes I stood up and it felt l

Freak out, nada, and 3 other things...

So... we're still here!  Today was my midwife appointment for my 40.5 weeks.  I went in, got checked with an exclamation of "holy cow, that baby is low!" from the midwife (so much to all of those doubters who keep telling me I haven't "dropped yet"), got an ultrasound where all was pronounced to be great and I got to see the little lady's liver, kidneys, spine, and legs (HOW did all of that just happen?!), and then got a stupid non-stress test.  Why stupid you might ask?  Well... it was right around 11.  And 11 happens to be the time that my little lady loves to sleep.  So they didn't like the results and made me chug ice water and eat two chocolate cookies (those were actually really good) and she moved a bit, but still not enough so it was declared that I failed my test and I was sent off to the hospital.  I heard her heart the whole time and it was steady so I knew she was still alright... but still. I freaked.   I called Yan and he came out to m

Due Date-- come and gone...

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A day come and gone.   I woke up with some contractions but they slowed down quickly and the day was pretty uneventful.  I participated in the pep assembly via text and everything went well.  I went and got a massage from the wonderful Dana Cruz, and then came home.  We tried to go see a movie and it was an epic fail but we played some arcade games instead.  By the time we got home we were pretty pooped, so we watched "Legally Blonde" while Yanik hacked and then headed to sleep.  I was having some serious pains at that time, combined with stomach and contractions and hoped to get as much sleep as I could.  I woke up at 9am, and here we are! Day 1 after due date.   One thing I've learned.  There's something to the idea of performance anxiety.  We're giving updates to friends and family at this point unsolicited to try to cut back on the "are you giving birth yet" conversation.  This might get old pretty quickly. :)  Also, I turned to hocus-poc

Friday the 13th

So yesterday was fun.  :) I spent the day running around the school getting ready for the pep assembly today.   After a full day of checking in with students and staff around the building I headed over to the midwives for my weekly checkup.  On the way over I realized that I had been having contractions more often than usual.  I went in and had some fairly regular contractions while there.  I was checked and told that I could be fairly far along, or might be nowhere at all. Giving birth is not straight forward... I will tell you what!  Gaye told me that I should stay home tomorrow since running an assembly and then going into labor isn't really what you want to do.  I was supposed to take the day off and relax. We went to dinner, watched "August Rush" and then headed to sleep.  I was up a few times with stomach issues but slept in and then took a walk around the neighborhood.  Showered, and now I'm sitting here thinking whether or not I should have gone to work.

Week 39

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Oh boy! Here we go folks.  This is the final stretch.  And boy is it a mind game.  I'm ready.  Like actually ready.  And I feel like as long as the two of us are together, we can get through this.  I'm fairly calm... and the only thing that keeps getting me all riled up are the people who check up on me daily at this point asking "how you doin?" "there yet?" "nervous?"... I love all of these people and I know that they are trying to help but it's literally the only conversation that a girl has at this point in her pregnancy.  And if you feel good, but still have all of these people around you asking if you're ok... you start to wonder if you're ok.  So I'm trying not to go there. Today I feel pretty great, yesterday was a rough day.  My ligaments are pretty much tired rubber bands at this point.  It's very very questionable whether or not my legs are able to function or do what I ask them to at any given point.  The downward

Latke Fest

The eighth annual Latke Fest came and went!  We hosted about 30 people at our home last night and we made about 25 lbs of latkes for those folk.  It was crazy and at the end of it all my feet looked like they belonged to a Hobbit, but it was rather magical.  First of all, my wonderful friends came early to help.  I had my wonderful husband who doesn't love the social gatherings but does them because he knows it's a holiday gift to me, my wonderful Shaffies, and then Kathy.  Not only did they come and help me fry and cut and prep, but they also brought food, liquor, and furniture along to help.  Afterwards everyone helped clean while I sat with my messed up feet, and my friend Britt assembled to-go bags for all of the folks who came.  I mean... how does a girl get so lucky???  Between my friends and family I'm able to continue believing that the world is a wonderful place where wonderful people live... and the rest of the stuff is just negative crap that should be ignored.

Thanksgiving

Oi vei! What a holiday.  :) Yanik and I cooked for 2 days together and hosted last night.  What an incredible night.  We did the tradition of where everyone goes around the table and shares what they are thankful for... and as is typical in the Soviet Jewish experience, most people thanked this country of ours and all of the services and comforts which it has provided to our parents and our grandparents. The food was really really good.  My feet were also really really swollen by the end of the day... so once dinner hit the table I pretty much parked my tuchus in a chair and watched everyone run around and do everything. This is where I get to gush about my family and my new family and how incredible everyone is. My mom brought over "sirniki" made from her homemade tvorog.  My brother called to check in and make sure all was well.  My dad and Galia were up and cleaning the whole night through.  My in-laws brought over laundered and ironed clothes for our little lady th

My lap

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Or what's left.   :)

Ummm... hello? Baby?

This might not ever happen.  That's how I feel today.  I'm used to the lack of sleep, and nothing much else has changed... so I've settled into my new normal.  Everything is just really consistent from day to day... which doesn't really make me think that things are changing in any direction.  This weekend with Thanksgiving and Channukah and family and Latke Fest might get things moving... but I'm just not sure.  I just feel extra large but other than that fine... which is a great place to be I suppose. :) 

Gifts :)

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Winter Melon

What the heck is a winter melon?? That is the size of the kiddo this week.  Things are starting to happen pretty quick at this point. I went to go visit BB and the new baby.  So little!  The heads are always what freak me out at this point.  Every newborn... my eyes go straight to the circumference of that head and I start thinking logistics.  BB's baby seems manageable.  So that's a great thing. :)    I held the little guy and he draped over my ginormous belly... and apparently my little lady wanted to say hello (or goodbye) and started kicking up through to the little one resting.  Those little people are so interesting!  The comments at work are getting more and more ridiculous as well.  This week I got "everytime I see you I feel the urge to go run and boil water," "you are wider than you are tall," and from a student "seriously... you should be at home, I worry when I see you."  :)  I actually feel pretty good.  I'd say the same as the pas

Who the heck really knows...

So yesterday we had a day of cleaning.  I had a firm desire to clean.  Was this nesting? I have no idea.  Maybe I just really wanted to clean up shop?  I woke up in the middle of the night full of energy and ready to go... then had to make myself go back to sleep.  Again... nesting? Or just the inability to sleep due to weird dreams?  I have no idea. Contractions.  I think I get them occasionally.  Or... is it just the kid swishing around in there doing olympic tricks?  I have no idea.  I've never done this before.  It's all well and good to google "what does a contraction feel like" but then you get crazy ladies who spend all of their days on forums making up crazy answers to crazy questions.  It's better to stay away from things like that in my humble opinion. So I just mosey along.  Not really certain of what's going on... but overall still enjoying things.  I like the flipping.  I like the hiccups (most of all really).  I like having the ability to ha

36 Weeks

Crazy week at work.  I'm having this wierd thing happen where I know I'm going to be gone, so on one hand I'm feeling like I need to detach more and more... but when things get tumultuous I am always ready to jump into the fire... so I have to wrestle with myself.  Control is a thing I know I have to let go of as a parent.  I know that it isn't going to be so simple and that things are going to get crazy and curveballs will be thrown... and I'll have to deal.  It will be very strange coming back in the spring having not been part of the crazy for 12 weeks.  Especially in a time of change and transition.  It will all be fine in the end... I have to keep telling myself this.  Nothing will fall apart.  My maternity sub is an incredible find, he's a wonderfully zen man who was a teacher at North and is definitely ready to handle things, especially with my wonderful secretary at his side.  All will be well.  I have to let go.  All will be well.  I have to let go.  I&

Family

It's so interesting watching my family go through the preparation stages for this little lady.  Everyone reacts in their own way, and it's such a learning experience to watch them and learn more about the people that are closest to you in your life.  Some people worry, some are just super excited, some are a little uncomfortable about the significance of another generation being added to the family and where that leaves their generation.  Everyone has also been pretty good about only giving advice when solicited... that's impressive to me!  They're all very eager to help in different ways as well! I'm lucky to have three sets of doting grandparents for this little lady, and since the one thing I'm a little worried about is losing my mind in seclusion once Yanik goes back to work... I hope that these folks will come round and keep the two ladies company on walks in the winter.  We have so much stuff, but the most important thing for me really is to have "pr

4 Weeks

Huh? How did this happen specifically? Although March was a long long time ago theoretically, it did fly by!  On one hand it feels like the day before my birthday almost every day... and I have around 4 weeks of this left... so that can get old, on the other hand all of the ladies that are due before me have delivered (yay for BB!!), and so things are getting very very real.  The good news is that I feel ready.  We finished our classes, we took an extra one (that wasn't really needed), and all we have left is to pack the bag for the hospital. Now the downside... I could use a little more sleep.  I know that this is one of the cruelest jokes that mother nature has in store for me.  The whole waking up 4 times a night thing is getting pretty old and might be the thing that wears me down the quickest.  At least I'm good at falling straight back to sleep!  I know things won't really be much better once the baby comes... but at least I won't be working and will be able t

Lazy Weekends

I made a concerted effort to not plan us into a corner this month.  November is our last month to really have ourselves to ourselves and I made sure not to plan tons and tons of activities ahead of time.  It's really kind of lovely. Of course we're still going to walk a 5K tomorrow and see family and the ginormous group of friends occasionally, but it's still so nice to have lazy mornings that don't really demand the "get up and move" mentality. On the baby front we are also slowing down with the plans.  We're done with Denyse Ffrench's class (which I would recommend to any couple having a baby), we took Newborn boot camp at the hospital, we did laundry, we installed a car seat, and now we have 4 weeks (give or take) to just wait. LLP is moving around in a much more direct kind of way, kneeing and elbowing her way around, and reacting to the things going on around her.  She loves the movie theater, sitting after dinner, and dancing to NPR in the c

The No-Birth Present

My brilliant friend Becky introduced this concept to me, and I think it's time that we implement the idea of a no-birth present.  The excitement and "looking forward" energy can be a little much, and each week seems like it's right around the corner, and then you realize "oh wait... there's another month!" and it just seems crazy.  So!  No-Birth Presents!  I'm going to schedule something lovely and fancy for myself each week of pregnancy that remains... and if I don't go into labor, it will be like a gift or goal to look forward to.  It's such a strange concept to want this thing that has to come out to get bigger before it comes out... I want this little lady to be strong and have great brain and lung development... but this sucker still has to come barreling out... and that makes me nervous at times.  But I think we'll be alright.  If little ladies that I know did it... then there must be a reason that Hashem gave me these big ol'

Hiccups

This child has a diaphragm that loves to spasm.  At least 2-4 times per day she gets hiccups.  And they always make me smile.  It's just really fun to watch my belly twitch knowing that there's a baby girl in there probably confused as to why she has the hiccups again.  I remember getting the hiccups a lot as a little lady, and I still get them every time I drink something carbonated.  It's good to know she gets a little something from her mama.  :) 

The Last Selfish Moments...

As a lady who lived on her own quite a bit in her 20's, I'm realizing how lucky I truly was to have had so much choice regarding what I did with the time in those formative years.  Making plans, signing up for classes or courses, traveling on a whim are all things I'll have to give up for quite some time with this little one on the way... so I'm grabbing all of the moments I possible can while I can.  If I get an hour or two to sit, I'm much less likely to focus all of my energy at work or on others... which is slightly startling to me, but kinda lovely at the same time.  There's nothing quite as relaxing as going for a walk on your own, taking time to go wander around the neighborhood, watching a ridiculous TV show, sitting in a coffee shop, or getting in a mani-pedi.  :)  It sounds trivial, but I think I'll miss spending time with me... so I'll do it while I can!

What It Means to Have a True Partner...

I've had some pretty significant struggles in life.  More than your average lady in her early 30's in my neighborhood with my level of education.  As an eternal optimist I can safely say that I've learned some really valuable lessons along the way... and that is a source of strength and guidance in my life.  I'm no Yoda, but there are definitely some things that I grasp that some others might not.  Last night during our Bradley class we held a "labor rehearsal" and went through tons of different stations with different tasks that we've learned along the way.  There were multiple times when I looked around the room and thought to myself "I'm one lucky girl."  My husband is simply incredible.  I'm just very lucky to know that I have someone who is calm in a stressful situation, selfless, inquisitive, and will do anything to help me while I bring a little girl into this world.  When I think back onto my previous relationships I realize that

34 Weeks

Little Lady P is head down and ready to party!  She's been having little dance parties with herself from the hours of 3am until about 4am on a nightly schedule... so I am pretty sure when Yanik and I will be awake once she does get here.  Her room is ready, I have diapers and a changing pad... and we'll install the car seat this weekend.  We're also getting bins ready to go over to friends and rummage through old belongings.  It's a crazy amount of stuff to do for a little someone who isn't even really 5 lbs.  We have 2 classes left with Denyse, and then we're officially getting pushed off as "ready."  We'll see how that all goes once LLP gets here.  I always talk myself down by thinking "if I had former students do this and their kids survived... we'll be ok."  !!! Sigh.

Pink

One of the glorious things about growing up in the 80's in this country was the rainbow.  The rainbow was everywhere! Rainbow Brite, Care Bears, Strawberry Shortcake... pretty much every color was always present and accounted for.  I went to Target yesterday and was just thoroughly disappointed.  Literally every thing that a girl could ever wear is pink.  It's as if the entire rainbow was wiped out in a generation and all we are left with is bubble gum.  I literally scoured and after some serious searching found a few yellow items... but I also went ahead and purchased something clearly made for a "boy."  It made me think of this article, and how right on she really was, is, and will be for quite some time. Such a silly thing, and such a symptom of what we do to little ladies in our society.  I'm miffed.  

Things I Miss

Ok... I'm overall a happy lady, but here are some things I've been missing lately (almost 34 weeks down!). Running.  I love this weather.  This is the weather that I long for when I run.  I'm not one of those crazy ladies who loves to jog around as soon as it's over 70 degrees... that's when I start to hide indoors.... I love cold.  I love cold morning runs.  And these 50 degree mornings make me long for running shoes, an Ipod, and then a cappuccino afterwards.   Feeling pretty.  I'm not a little lady normally, but I'm proud of my curves.  The curves at 34 weeks are pushing my self-esteem limits.  I think it's perfectly acceptable to be feeling this way... but I'm starting to look forward to getting my own body back.  The ability to run around.  I'm a spastic lady that has trouble sitting still.  I love to sprint up stairs.  This whole sprinting thing is slowly disappearing due to little-itty-bitty lungs. :)   The ability to drink wine to

33/33

Holy crap.  I'm 33 years old.  I'm 33 weeks pregnant.  Things are about to get real for sure.  The funny thing is, that even though these numbers are surreal to think about to current day me... I'm not really freaking out.  I'm sitting calmly having an out-of-body experience, but I'm ok.  I feel good.  I have such a partner and friend in Yanik, I know I'll be looked after even as I'm looking after another.  That makes this much much more incredible and workable.  So even though I know that I was alive when my parents were this age, I'm cool.  It's just the way life goes, the cycle goes on... and I'm ready for the next number to happen.  

Movements

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This little lady and I have been very aware of each other for a long long time.  I felt her kick for the first time around 14 weeks... which I was told is fairly early for a first time mama.  She's becoming cramped in my torso at this point, and the movements have become super different.  Instead of a little kick or hand movements here or there, at this point we're straight-up moving across the belly with our entire body, similar to a whale skimming the surface of the water.  It's totally alien-like, but also it's just flippin' amazing!  It for some reason makes this entire having a kid thing significantly more tangible and approachable.  Since I haven't had an ultrasound since 20 weeks, and we're approaching 33, there is something very strange about not having a visual... and this makes it a little more real.

The Secret Truth

I still love being pregnant.  Sure, there are days when I don't feel like I can "look pretty" without heaps of effort... and bending over to put on boots is really quite the adventure.  But for the most part... there's a magic to it.   Furthermore, I'm really resentful towards all of the stupid woman magazines for putting such a focus on what the body looks like during pregnancy as opposed to what this body can do! I have friggin' superpowers and never looked forward to having them.  I've always been a person that wanted kids and loved them... you know that creepy chick that smiles at every kindergartener she comes across? That's me.  But I always thought I would want to pick my baby up at approximately 1-2 years of age and then move forward from that point.   And I'll tell you what... so far? I think being knocked up is the best.  I really only have 8 weeks left and if 32/40 scores an A++, I'm not really all that concerned about the last 8 we

Weird Dreams

My dreams during pregnancy are the most psychedelic thing I have ever experienced.  Some of them just need to be documented for posterity.  Here are a few doozies... I'm on a battleship.  I have to pee.  The battleship has 26 port-a-potties.  Each one has a warrior specially trained to fight zombies chained up within it.  Most of the port-a-potties are full to capacity or are in disrepair.  I run from one to the other looking for a clean one.  One of them is guarded by a zombie warrior who values cleanliness, she's actually someone I went to elementary school with.  However, she values it to such a point that she is a germaphobe and won't allow others to use it.  I have to barter with her until I am allowed in... I wake up with a strong urge to go to the bathroom. I give birth to a baby who disappears below my navel and resurfaces as a fully-grown bearded man.  He is interested in breastfeeding.  I deny him and quickly face my maternal guilt. The husband and I are ge

Dance Marathon, Burning Man

I'm laying here half thrilled and half sad that I can't be with Yanik who flew to Reno today to go to the burn.  Last year's theme was Fertility 2.0, and little did I know that a year after getting "spiritually" married to Yan on the playa I would miss the following year due to some Fertility 2.0. :) Tonight was also our first full committee Dance Marathon meeting.  It's always so exciting to get the kids excited and pumped up about a new charity and a new goal for the year.  The late nights are always worth staying at school and being stuck in traffic on the way home in order to hang out with kids as motivated and giving as my DM-ers.   But both of these different things are so indicative of what I'm so worried and concerned about with the whole "becoming a mama" experience.  Will I have to give up DM? Will it feel like I'm giving something up when or if I do? Can I keep the things that mean so much to me close and constant as I beco

First Thoughts

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I've been writing in a journal, but it just really isn't the same as typing.  There's something magical about being able to record almost as fast as I think... it becomes more natural and organic.  Which is kinda like being pregnant this time.  It's incredible.  I'm scared to tell people sometimes how much I'm loving it.  On one hand I don't want to be resented by others who have a really hard time hurling for the first few months or walking around zombie-like... but on the other hand, after what I went through the first time... I friggin' deserve this.  I wake up every morning with baby flutters or baby hiccups within me and feel this little girl coming to life, and there's something so magical about it.  Even with the anatomy and physiology knowledge, and my in-depth understanding of mitosis and cell division and synaptic formation... there's something just pure magic about knowing that this little thing within is actually real.  I'll be a