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Showing posts from 2016

The Mama Work Balance and the Double Bind

So... there's this job.  It's the job that I've literally wanted since I was about 23 years old.  I pretty much structured my entire professional life around this job.  I got a master's degree.  I put in the time at another school doing this job (exceptionally well I might add).  I had a baby.  I quit the job at the other school.  I moved to a different new school knowing that the opportunity to get this new job would open up in a few years.  I planned to have my babies before this job opened so that if I was ready, it would be ready for me.  I applied for the job.  There were 5 rounds of interviews for the job.  I didn't get past round 1. I was crushed. I haven't really ever faced a professional defeat.  It isn't a thing.  I usually set my mind to something and get it. This one was different.  I was so stressed out about getting the job that I choked.  I didn't make myself clear to my interviewers and I fell short of letting them know of who I was

6 months

:) I'm waking up 2-3 times a night now.  Things are improving.  My husband and I are in the same bedroom and baby is in his crib.  We're almost to crawling.  We get on all fours and rock back and forth.  Our scalp is itchy as all get-out and he is constantly clawing at himself regardless of how short his nails are and how much vaseline/ coconut oil/ cocoa butter I have on his head.  He's adorable and has the best gosh-darned attitude of anyone I know.  Today he grabbed the opening of my La Croix can and gashed his little finger pretty hard... we got a bit of a sad face and then instant smiles as I tried to grab his finger.  He thinks the whole world is a big game.  It's pretty great. Lilah is getting better with the big sister thing now that he's a little more interactive.  She still freaks out but I think that's more having to do with her being a 2 almost 3-year-old and less with the fact that she thinks she's getting sidelined.  We've almost got t

Oh so pretty...

We're 4.5 months in. My hair has almost stopped falling out and I'm mostly bald up front. Call it a widows peak that's summited.  I burned my face today while cooking and half of it is covered in splotches. I'm getting woken up about 5 times a night on average. I'm not at my prettiest. In fact... This is pretty much the unprettiest ive felt in a long long time. This too shall pass. My hair will grow back. The burns will fade. The sleep will come. Such are the lessons of mommy hood. PS.!potty training continues. She continues to train us, and we resist. :(

4 months

We've made it to 4 months.  Here are some quick lessons learned (as I rarely have time to sit and reflect anymore). 1) Two kids is harder.  It's doable, but just barely.  Especially with the whole 2 year old and infant spread.  That's rough.  Thank the lord for the nanny (Inna) who is amazing and a godsend.  Only because of her am I able to still spend quality time with all eyes on Lilah, and get to the store or have a little time to get some cooking done.  I think back on the stressful times with one kid and it really seems like that was not such a big deal.  It's kind of incredible how just when you think this is all you can handle, you get a little more and can handle that as well.  I am sure that's how folks with 3 and 4 and more handle it, but we ourselves are done. 2) Noah is the sweetest baby of all time.  He's just so enjoyable.  He smiles and sings and is constantly amazed at the world.  He stinks in the car occasionally, but even that is getting b

Brothers vs. Sisters

Here it goes.  I'm going to rant.  It's time. Today was the day to trigger such a thing. The day started out very well.  Our nanny came so that I could go to my first exercise class since baby.  Went to Daily Method and tried my first Barre class.  Totally kicked my little isolated muscles. I will for sure be sore tomorrow. Came home, ran to the shower, grabbed the baby from the nanny and sent her home.  Baby was perfect all morning. Afternoon hits. I'm super tired.  Not only am I waking up 3-4 times a night, I'm also dumb enough to go to a Barre class... so what did I expect?  I'm going to try to get baby to sleep so that I can nap. Baby won't sleep. He gets overtired so I succumb and go for a walk with the stroller.  He passes out for 30 minutes.  I think... "I'll head home, park him outside by the door and nap on the couch."  He wakes up. I play with him a bit, nurse him, try to get him to sleep.  No dice. Dad calls.  Tells me

My Lover and My Fighter

Whelp it's official. Game on. My first "I don't love you" came in today.  It actually stung less than I thought it would. I read this blog a few weeks prior to giving birth about "10 things that nobody will tell you about having a second child."  One of the items was "you will have moments where you hate your firstborn child."  I thought to myself "No way!" She is too young to understand what's going on, she's going to feel lonely and I am going to do everything I can to shield this little person from the big bad baby that is about to be born. Whelp. Yeah. I don't hate my little girl.  But once that baby comes out and you see how little they are and how big their sibling is and how they have a functioning brain and the little one doesn't... it happens pretty quickly actually.  My allegiance can now swing either way.  And especially around bedtime, it's swinging towards my lover and not my fighter. This l

6 Weeks Check-up

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Today was my six week check-up with the midwives.  They check out your junk, weigh you, ask you some "are you suffering from PPD" questions and then send you on your way with birth control (lol... just in case waking up 4 times a night really leaves you with a strong libido).  I've been thinking a lot lately about how a second child is different from the first... and this check-up really brought it home. Last time, with Lilah, the post-partum was such a shock for me .  She was a very difficult baby.  Now that I have another to compare... there is no comparison.  Sure, he gets a little fussy around dinner/bedtime when there are 40 balls in the air at once and Yan and I are doing our damndest to get our needy 2 year old to sleep and maintaining the illusion that "nothing has changed."  We've got potty-training regression, attention-seeking behavior, and a typical two year old who is just pushing her boundaries as far as she can before they snap back.  But

3 weeks. 2 kids. 1 mama.

Oh boy! We're 3 weeks in with Noah Robert Pritzker (that's the official name).  Here are the truths. Babies are not easy. They are however, much easier the second time around. Recovery is also significantly easier the second time around (especially after a quick labor). Sleep is something you don't truly love until it's no longer available. Babies are unpredictable little creatures who love to be perfect one day and then the next only feed and nurse and feed and nurse and cry. It's an unwinnable competition between the two kids as to who gets more time with mommy... except one kid can tell it's unjust and the other can just tell you they're hungry. You lose the weight quickly... but your skin doesn't get the memo right away. I lived through the Bris.  That was rough.  He healed in a week, but my guilt might take significantly longer to subside. Being home on maternity leave is the hardest thing ever if you love to socialize.  I love to social

Baby Boy Pritzker- Birthday Story

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Welp! It's over.  Just like that.  Here's our birth story.  First- the short version with the few details for the squeamish, and then the long one with all of the nitty gritty that you can decide whether or not to read. Baby boy Pritzker (name TBA in 8 days at Bris) was born April 30th at 12am on the dot.  Literally.  The hospital says that means it's an April 30th bday, but I feel like it could have gone either way.  :)  8lb. 2oz. Only 1 oz. heavier than his sister.  His labor however, was anything but the same.  Read on if you're not squeamish. ************************************************************************* We got to the hospital at 10am to check in.  We were due for an induction since this little stinker hadn't made any progress in 42 weeks.  Already a whole different story from last time... where I was already transitioning and hardcore contracting.  This time...  we stopped at a bakery and Trader Joe's and bought snacks.  Drank tea, walke

41 weeks and 4 days... (aka 11 days late)

Here we are! One day later than we made it with Ms. LJ. I'm large and in charge and have been home on maternity leave for 2 weeks.  Who knows if that is hurting the situation? Nobody. One thing's for certain and that is that my body loves to host little people for longer than the average bear.  Maybe it's because I'm secretly terrified of having two? Maybe I'm literally extending this little "vacation" psychosomatically? Who knows.  All I know is that this little person is going to get evicted at 10 am on Friday morning if he doesn't figure it out himself.  THAT is terrifying to me.  Induction isn't something that I really ever wanted. Kid is simply happy.  I'm going to these "trifecta" appointments every 3 days where they measure my fluid levels (making sure there's enough amniotic fluid), and do a non-stress test.  That kid has plenty of liquid to be swimming in and usually passes his NST within 3 minutes with the amount o

40 weeks and 6 days

Alright kiddo! Here's mama writing to you while you're comfy cozy within. I've had a whole week off of work.   Gardened (all of the containers are full, planted 70+ bulbs in the garden, visited like 4garden centers).   Cooked (Passover seder is tonight, baked all sorts of goodies and made matzoh ball soup).  Organized (the house is more or less clean, and your room is ready).  Went to village hall and set up permits for the driveway concrete work that needs to get done. I'm ready. Went to the midwives for my second overdue appointment today.   You're super active, love to be in there, passed your non-stress test in like 3 minutes (still had to sit there for the 17 additional minutes though).  Apparently I'm like 4 cm dilated (this means NOTHING) but you're still at -2 station which means you aren't ready to engage and party quite yet.  But who knows?! Could happen any day or any minute.  So many exciting possibilities for this Pesach seder.  :) S

Gratefully Exhausted

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Today was my last day of spring break solo with little LJ.  We woke up and on the way to dropping Yan off at the train she requested to also ride... so we did.  :) We took the Swift to Howard and back just so she could.  She was so thrilled at some point on the ride back that she grabbed my head and brought my nose down to her for a kiss. We went to Mariano's and got her the little red shopping cart and we stuck with that all the way until the cash register (we usually abandon it in the produce section).  We sampled olives from the olive bar.  She smelled all of the flowers in the floral section.  We sampled all of the the samples. We used the potty at the grocery store (going on 3 weeks in underwear!). We took a trip to PetSmart and looked at the dogs through the window and the birds and the hamsters and the fish.  We hunted for the frogs living in the aquariums and the snails. We came home and did all of the things she wanted.  We ate out of the Costco sized pretzel ba

36 Weeks and the Sad Cry

Oi! 4 weeks(ish) left.  Pregnancy status report:  all things are going well.  I'm finally getting regular yoga in and massages and those are helping me.  I feel better now than I did during 2nd trimester.  I'm not sitting on crappy chairs anymore, bringing my sciatica cushion with me to meetings (I have no shame) and have finally almost fixed myself to a functional human being.  I feel like I can get through labor.  I have a doula lined up if Yan doesn't get better by then.  I have life-lines in place and I feel as though this kid and labor is something that I can handle, and I'm as ready as I'll ever be.  I'm realistic and understand that the next 3 months of my life are going to rock me like something I've never experienced... but it is what it is. I've accepted. Lilah is becoming quite the little person.  The other day we were singing to her in bed after Yan turned off the lights and closed the door and she said "oi! papa! I can't see an

34 Weeks

3 days of shutting our bedroom door at night turned Lilah back into a human.  :) She sleeps through the night again! Also... Yan installed a camel back pouch above her crib, so she doesn't have the water excuse any more.  She has a constant stream of water... and I'm moving past the point of caring that we're treating our kid like a hamster.  :) 3/4 of our parents have been gone for a week and I will say that her behavior has become a lot more regulated.  I do think that the switching her from house to house does mess with her sense of routine and stability.  At the end of the day it's always going to be the struggle of our needs vs. her needs and where the balance can be found.  At some point we need to take a break for ourselves, but that little lady does need us around constantly in order to feel secure falling asleep and taking direction. 6 weeks (ish) left.  We're more or less ready to go.  Yan is nursing his shoulder and getting over the longest cough kno

33 weeks

It's official. My daughter is my daughter. We finally split a rocky road last night and she loved it. :). First ice cream that she loved! Hooray. In other news, clinginess and sleep regressions are going strong. We returned to CIO with her and we are all finally getting sleep. It's good, since we are about to stop sleeping for a long long time. Final touches, packing the bag for the hospital, getting clothes unpacked in the nursery, and getting ready for a two week stretch without 3/4 grandparents while they go tango in the canary islands. Life's just moving on.... We need to keep up! Baby boy is the size of a durian.

30 weeks

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We're at 30 weeks.  10 weeks to go(ish) and our life currently looks like the photos below.  We're almost done with our kitchen remodel, the rest of our house is a complete disaster as it's been run over by our 2 year old and ourselves during the disarray and to top it off we've just wrapped up a week with pink-eye, some sort of bronchial disaster disease and a fever for Yan.  It's been a little nuts.  Hopefully the next 10 weeks will bring us some sort of normal prior to the crazy descending upon this home once again.  A big thanks to the grandparents as always for picking up Lilah, giving her eyedrops (only with the promise of fruit leather... or maybe just fruit leather no drops?) and babysitting last night so that Yan and I could go out and get huge bowls of spicy soup and watch a movie prior to coming home and working on electric and organization in the kitchen.  No way we would be able to get all of this done without their help of keeping little lady out of

Letting Go

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This weekend in yoga there was a substitute teacher.  It wasn't an incredible class, however she started off with a quote to set the tone and this particular one stuck with me throughout the practice, and even on my ride home. "It doesn't take a lot of strength to hang on.  It takes a lot of strength to let go." I've been struggling with a bunch of things where this could apply.   I have been given a whole lot of unsolicited advice as of late that has ticked me off to the Nth degree (people think that giving advice to pregnant women is a super idea... I would like to take a moment to assure them otherwise).  I've been carrying around a whole lot of bitterness and resentment regarding this advice.  It's time to let go. Pregnancy itself this time around has been significantly more achy and it occurred much earlier in the pregnancy.  My pelvis and hips and ligaments and hamstrings feel very often as if they are hanging out by a very thin little threa

25 Weeks

I haven't blogged as much about this pregnancy as much as the first.  There are many many reasons for this.  First of all, I'm older and had more reservations and worries about this pregnancy being full term and didn't want to evil eye the whole situation (with actual people who read the blog).  Secondly, it's crazy how much time I don't have this time around to sit around and bask in the phenomenon of my baby and my body.  I have a toddler.  Little LJ doesn't exactly give me tons of time to sit about and focus and meditate on me.  I haven't been to one prenatal yoga class yet (hopefully I'm going this weekend).  I haven't had the time to sit and reflect.  So the whole 25 weeks pregnant thing really snuck up on me.  I'm about to schedule my last "every month appointment" and switch to seeing my midwife every two weeks.  We're buying furniture and figuring out the new baby's room.  Things are getting real. So here I am! Crazy