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Showing posts from 2014

First Year's Lessons

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Well... this past weekend we celebrated! This little lady turned one year old.  We made it through 365 days and more importantly nights with this little person.  Yan made a video of her first year of life... and it's incredible how this human turned from a little sac of uncoordinated impulses into a real life lady with opinions and a sense of humor and mischief that is a joy to behold. She taught us so much about ourselves as well as each other.  I know now that my husband is a softie of the best kind.  He will do pretty much anything to get a smile out of that little girl.  I know that I have a crazy need to get things right and make sure they're on a schedule... and that my little person will do all that she can to derail that plan.  :)  I'm getting better at letting go, but I definitely have a long way to go. I've learned to relax and take more time for myself as the year has progresses... but still need to do more of that.  Taking time for me and for us as a co

Latkes

Chanukah started last night. Thanks to my mother in law picking up baby I was able to get to the grocery store and pick up food and drive home and make latkes and light the menorah.  We had a plate full of latkes for dinner.  I got to see Lilah do her new trick of when she grabs something to eat and blows on it before putting it in her mouth. She's a cautious little lady. She won't go up the stairs if they're too steep, she doesn't try to go down stairs ever, and she is totally petrified of hot food and drinks.  She's pretty funny.  I've become less cautious with age... mostly due to crazy amounts of mistakes regardless of how hard I protected myself against them.  It makes me think about risk taking and how I could actually teach my kid to take a few.  That's an interesting line to walk. For now I'm pretty thrilled about the stairs.  :)

Teeth, Talking, Tottering... almost

We're getting there.   50 weeks old.  Almost one. Third tooth sprouted.  We're working on our other tooth and we'll be bucktoothed soon enough. She's babbling and repeating words after everyone that says anything. It doesn't sound like anything yet but when I yell "Yanik" she yells ah-ee!  When I say "Mama" she says baba!  We're close. We're cruising hardcore around couches and coffee tables (which all parents hate and darkly warn about constantly).  She'll stand up on a toy, and then grab another toy and hold it and let go of her support... wobble for a few seconds then snap back to reality and sink back down to the ground for safety. We're down to nursing 3 times a day.  She theoretically could be weaned at any moment.  Here I'm the one holding us back.  I'm terrified of bedtime with a bottle.  I don't know if she'll take one from me.  At the same time I'm done pumping and am kind of ready to be ba

Pumping and Penis Envy

We're approaching month 11.  I'm still breastfeeding this little person the best that I can.  I haven't written about this as I think it's TMI, but it's such a big part of my struggle and stress and I am ready to dish.  I pump twice daily to get her a bottle at daycare.  Who knows why... maybe it's because I didn't actually establish a pumping routine until we were 8 months in, or because that's just the way my mammaries work but for some unknown godforsaken reason I can feed my kid just fine when we're together but the pump doesn't do much.  It takes me about 15 minutes to get 2 ounces if I'm lucky.  I devote some 50 minutes a day to go sit in a closet for almost 4 oz of breast milk.  It's just insanity.  I eat oatmeal, I drink disgusting teas and vitamins, I down almost a gallon of water a day... but that's all I get.  We make it work.  She drinks water and gets this and I feed her when we're face to face about 3 times a day.  

Single Mom For a Day

This week was tough. I had parent teacher conferences for the first time at GBS and one of the by-products of not having a strong union is that we had a normal start time the morning after.  So... 14 hour workday, get home at 9:30,  and then up at 6 to be at work by 7:30.  ROUGH.  So Friday was a long tough day and I was super ready for this weekend. Enter husband after a conference at 7pm on Friday night and he runs to the bathroom with some horrendous case of food poisoning and collapses in bed.  He continues to be immobile all day Saturday.  So! Little girl and me all day long. I'm exhausted. Dear lord.  Single mothers.  How the HECK do you do this?  I need like 12 hours of sleep, a massage, 1/2 a bottle of wine intravenously and the a mini vacation. She's cute.  But parenting is definitely a two-person job.  

Mama Tiger

Being a mama doesn't make you always the most rational. I have lots of helpers, but it's amazing how some days you really just want some quiet down time with your kid and you can't because of all of the helpers, and instead of you being rational and thinking "hey self! Wow! You're so lucky to have so much help!" you think "baby! mine! back away! give me baby!" and other such well-thought-out nuggets of rational thought. I become super sensitive to criticism.  I'm not one to be this way.  I was raised by Soviet folk and always had too many relatives around to give me unsolicited advice that wasn't ever nicely phrased or politically correct.  I can react well to comments such as "you look like an overstuffed sausage in that" or "you look like you got dressed by a parrot this morning" with grace and calm.  But some days someone jokes with my child saying "wow! What was mommy thinking?" and regardless of the ton

Things I Don't Want to Forget...

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It's crazy.  I know kids that I take as the same age as my little lady and they are starting to turn one.  We're not there yet, but this is flying by at a crazy clip.  She's getting bigger and bigger, starting to stand up in her crib, want to stand and reach for new things and I kinda want things to slow down a little.  This is why people have more than one kid... they want to savor these baby moments and bring them back again. So here are some things I hope I don't forget about this magical time in our little lady's life. She does this thing where she sucks on her lower lip when she's tired.  She calms herself down with her pajama, but when it isn't available she'll take any fabric available (she pulled down my head today to get at the bandanna I had in my hair) and tuck it in between her lower lip and her teeth and just pulse her little lip in a sucking motion.  I think it's adorable. She's started giggling when she gets tickled.  She'

Our First Family Cold

Baby came down with her first cold last weekend (which is pretty great considering she's almost 10 months old).  She was pretty whiney and sniffly and got over it by Monday morning for the most part.  48 hours of tough.  Not so bad.  We woke up sick on Tuesday morning, and it's just been getting worse.  She's sleeping well now, but we're slightly destroyed.  Things I've learned: 1.  Thank the lord for daycare on days such as this.  Taking care of a baby while sick yourself shouldn't be legal.  Thank you daycare... I love you. 2.  Baby breastfeeding while congested sounds like a little piglet.  Very sad, very funny-  I struggle between giggling and feeling very very sorry for her. 3. Parents that have sick babies are really so incredible.  I think about people who have babies that are born with health complications and the kind of resolve that they must have.  Knock-on-wood, I have new found respect and admiration and compassion for you. 4.  Waking up at

Yom Kippur and Twinning

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I'm not a really patient person with the people who deserve my patience the most.  It's how most people are with people in their lives, but it still upsets me to know that the folks that I should treasure the most I tend to dump on.  My mom, my husband... it's not a pretty trait and it's one that I need to work on.  I know how to be stubborn and stick to my guns even when it's hurting me the most.  Similar to my child when she puts up a crazy fight when I get out the Nose Frida.  That junk has got to come out of your nose little girl, and it would be much easier if you didn't thrash like I was about to pith you and require two fully-grown adults to hold you down.  Crazy. Yom Kippur is the day of atonement and when we're supposed to ask for forgiveness for all that we do to the people we love in our lives (and those we don't).  Thankfully, I've recently learned to apologize to the people in my lives more easily and so I don't wait for just one

Work and that No Sleep situation

Thank god for block scheduling. I only have to teach two groups of students each day.  That's pretty sweet... especially since this particular day followed a night where we had 4 wake-ups.  This little girl has figured out that she sees me less during the day while I work and if she cries Mom shows up.  She doesn't really eat... just reaches out her adorable little hand through the darkness and feels my face.  Which is really cute! Except for that we're doing this four times a night?? Not so cute.  Mom's tired. I'm pretty much ready to nip this night-waking thing in the bud. But I'm not sure if she's teething or being social or actually hungry (which I doubt more than any of the other ones).  I'm going to start waiting longer and sending in dad occasionally which I didn't do before because I wasn't working... but those days are over.  :) I'm rolling around on empty... but work is still great.  I do love the scheduling, I love the abili

Crawling on new floors:

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Crawling on new floors: http://youtu.be/pWci4detghQ

"Vacation"

We got back yesterday. Yan and I headed to Black Rock City in Nevada for the longest stretch I will ever get out there due to being a teacher.  I had this trip planned long in advance (before I knew I was switching jobs) and therefore had 5 days away.  This required much craziness.  It turned out that when I was hired this would involve me missing my first day of class with two of my classes due to block scheduling.  Also, this was in the middle of house construction, baby teething, and severe hormonal shifts in my body.  It wasn't great timing. We packed up and I had to make two days worth of sub plans for a block schedule with three preps.  I had to pack up the little lady and her food, supplies, clothing, and belongings for her travels to three different grandparent homes.  I had to prepare myself for pumping on the go for 5 days.  This was by far the most nerve-wracking thing.  I was very worried about the fact that I might lose my ability to breastfeed my child while we we

Welcome to the Neighborhood...

We officially live in Skokie.  We're living in a super jewish neighborhood that is primarily much much older.  :)  Let me take you on a tour.  Next door we have a wonderful German couple who immigrated about 45 years ago and have lived in Skokie ever since.  Their garden is gorgeous.  On the other side we have a lovely couple who are Holocaust survivors and speak five languages, but don't speak to the German couple for the very reasons you're thinking.  They both go for evening walks together every night with their canes.  Adorable.  Across the street we have an older couple, who's son went to high school with Yan.  The woman is a visiting nurse and told me to call her if I ever needed her at night.  Next door to them is a wonderful 79 year old woman and her husband who have 3 kids aged 51 and younger.  Next door to them is a lovely gentleman who does some mean yard work and has an impeccable lawn.  All of them are our parents age or older.  This is going to be an incr

Moving On

Tomorrow we move and leave Lincoln Square and head to Skokie.  Next Monday I start work full time after a summer with my little lady.  Both are pretty hard to wrap my head around. Lincoln Square Top things I'll miss: Farmer's Market to walk to... Park to walk to... Library to walk to... Pretty much anything to walk to.  :)  The ability to run out across the street and watch a movie in a theater The ability to run and get gelato for watching a movie at home (although we do have Chocolate Shoppe really close to our new house). Lovely care-free European feel Days with Lilah Top things I'll miss: Her little puffball head after she wakes up and the grin she gives me when I walk in the room Getting to see all of her milestones and firsts Walks to the park so we can people watch Hugs and squeezes Generally... everything.  I do love that little girl more than anything.  It's funny because at first this was a love that was purely instinctual and

Our final farmer's market in Lincoln Square

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Very bittersweet.

I wish I blogged like this... but it's right on.

Best colic mom blog entry.

Crazy Days

Summary of the past two days: Wake up, put baby down for nap after breakfast.  Make phone calls to flooring store, scour Craigslist for garden/ lawn items, make phone calls.  Get baby up, stick her in the car.  Take a trip to flooring store, meet with flooring sales folks, get floor.  Drive home, put baby to sleep.  Mom-in-law comes to watch baby.  Leave baby.  Drive to house, trim all hedges with hedge trimmer, meet with flooring installation folks, pull weeds from around the yard, get an estimate for a deck refinishing, get an estimate from an electrician.  Take out lock from back door, start installing lock, meet second electrician. Race home, put baby down to sleep.  Collapse on couch after shower while my wonderful husband brings me bins of stuff to go through to prepare for the donation pick up the following morning.  Watch Top Chef. Wake up. Have breakfast, play with baby.  Put baby down for nap.  Find a patio set on Craigslist.  Follow up with flooring sales folks who did

Teamwork

Alright little girl... Tomorrow is our closing day on the house in Skokie.  You won't remember living in Lincoln Square... which is a shame, because this is one heck of a wonderful neighborhood.  Today was the walkthrough and we met the seller of our house at the property and the woman was a seriously not nice woman.  In fact, your father (yes your father) lost his temper and raised his voice.  This is something I'm sure will happen eventually in your life, but trust me... it really hasn't happened in my presence ever.  This house has been very stressful and this lady isn't helping. We also have to buy a car this week.  We need about 10 estimates (I'm not exaggerating), we have to figure out paint and how to get a floor heated, and how to fix a foundation, and how to install closet doors and so much other stuff.  We have to finish packing.  We need to figure out how to leave you for 5 days in three weeks.  I also have to go back to work at a new job in two weeks

Grass is Greener...

I dreaded moving to the city.  Now with two weeks left in this neighborhood of Lincoln Square I'm mourning the loss of city living.  It's my own fault!  The new job and the commute just wouldn't be doable... but I'm sad about losing the walkability to farmer's markets two times a week and all the little local businesses. I am starting to fray a little about being home all day with her.  Her naps (two now) contain me to my house and I don't get to make play dates very easily.  I long for interaction.  But the next two weeks are the end of the summer schedule and I know that leaving her to daycare and not being able to stop by and having only one hour a day with her will be heartbreaking.  So... I know this won't be great one way or the other. I guess I just need to work on living in the moment... :) The next time I'm lonely and stressed out I'll just give her a squeeze and take a big whiff of baby scent.  I know I'll be missing that pretty so

Prioritizing

My little lady is 7 months old today. We've completed more than half of a year with this little lady and we've hit a groove.  Things are more or less settling in... we're figuring out naps, we're figuring out meals, night time routine is a set thing. Now... it's time for me. :) I've been all about her for a very long time.  It's time to make myself a little more of a priority.  I'm averaging a pedicure every 3.5 months, one workout a week, and pretty much no "me" time unless it's during a nap.  I'm going to kick it up a few notches. So here's a pledge (to myself).  3 minimum workouts a week.  1 pedicure every 3 weeks.  Small baby steps... but that's the only way we get anywhere these days.

Just When You Think It's Safe....

Today started out weird.  Her two hour morning nap was one hour.  We ended up pushing her second nap by 20 minutes because I had a breakfast date.  She came home and napped, but woke up from her second nap at 12:30.  This is pretty early.  There's no way she can make it to her 6:30 bedtime from 12:30.  I tried to put her down at 2:45 after running a few errands. She screamed bloody murder.  I tried to calm her down, but even holding her wouldn't work.  I'm fairly certain my neighbor might think I beat my child.  As soon as I took her out into the light this little monster looked at me with a tear-streaked face and a look of victory.  I decided to take her for a walk.  We walked around the neighborhood for 30 minutes and no dice.  At this point it's already 4pm... and she's way past the point of no return.  It starts to rain.  I decide to go to plan C and drive around until she's asleep.  It takes a solid 25 minutes of driving around with her screaming until s

Chilling Out

In the past week we've taken a trip, had our little lady sleep in different places, carted out the Pack n' Play more often than ever and had her nap on the go a few times as our move is approaching.  If there's something I've learned during these few weeks it's that it's ok to do stuff with a baby.  Chances are that it'll all be fine.  I think the PTSD that's left over from the first few months is starting to wear off. The more chill we are the more chill she is and all is well.  She's a little older, a little wiser, and a little more chill.  Which makes us much more able to get things done. Moving will be quite the challenge.  We have 3 weeks to get things packed, do some renovations and move in... and our closing date and mortgage are all still in flux.  It's pretty much a done deal, but that "pretty much" part is what's worrying me a little.  Playing general contractor and having a baby at home is pretty interesting.  I had he

Crazy Deep Lovin'

Today my little lady and I hung out together just the two of us all day. I timed her naps perfectly.  She slept 1.5 hours in the am, and then 1.5 hours in the pm. We went for a walk.  We hung out in the living room and played and danced.  She ate some good strawberries from the farmer's market.  She laughed at my singing.  We ran an errand and took the L. She was pretty much sunshine and radiance all day long. She went down for the night at 6:30 without a peep. I'm sitting here while the husband has band practice, and I'm watching Top Chef and drinking a beer.  And I miss her.  How is this even possible?!  I love that little person.  More than I ever thought possible. Being a mom is pretty awesome.  And that's all I have to report.  

Travel with Baby

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So! We made it.  We flew with our little person to San Francisco and lived to tell about it.  :)  She was actually a huge trooper on the way there and back, considering her extraverted tendencies and how she can't sleep when there are exciting people to interact with (I have no idea where she gets this from).   On the way to SFO we lucked out and had a seat in our row that was empty, which we stuck her carseat in and she promptly passed out after feeding for a solid two hours.  Then it was only two hours of lap play and walking up and down aisles entertaining her and the other passengers.  That was actually incredible.   We took BART to Glen Park and hiked up the "hill" (those are mountains dammit), to our place.  Me with the stroller and Yan with two suitcases and a backpack up a 45 degree incline.  Dear lord in heaven I forgot what SF feels like on the tuchus.  We didn't take that hike again, we Uber'd every time.  We're bourgeois.   We brought c

We Done Ferber-ed Our Kid

Little lady has hated swaddling for quite some time.  She would get straight up ticked off when we swaddled her and we had to use a safety pin to keep her from kicking out.  That girl has chutzpah.  So... we decided it was time to quit the swaddle three days ago.  We walked with her that night for like 30 minutes and she was showing no signs of falling asleep... she was clearly tired but wasn't having it.  I decided it might be time to sleep train her and Yanik agreed (he always agrees... it's kind of amazing). We put her down in the crib and walked away.  She didn't like it and let us know by screaming her head off.  We went back in in 3 minutes and picked her up and calmed her down, then left again.  Then went back in in 5 minutes and repeated.  Then we left her for 10 minutes... and she was asleep by the end of that time period.  20 minutes.  She took 20 minutes to calm herself down.  Magic.  She slept until 3:00am from 6:30 pm, and then didn't wake up again until

5 Months Old. :)

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Maya Angelou

Today a woman who taught me much about being a woman passed away.  This poem was a favorite of mine in high school and college, and unfortunately my little girl won't have the opportunity to hear her live.  But here's a little piece of Maya for my Lilah to take in someday. Phenomenal Woman BY  MAYA ANGELOU Pretty women wonder where my secret lies. I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size    But when I start to tell them, They think I’m telling lies. I say, It’s in the reach of my arms, The span of my hips,    The stride of my step,    The curl of my lips.    I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman,    That’s me. I walk into a room Just as cool as you please,    And to a man, The fellows stand or Fall down on their knees.    Then they swarm around me, A hive of honey bees.    I say, It’s the fire in my eyes,    And the flash of my teeth,    The swing in my waist,    And the joy in my feet.    I’m a woman

Packing for our first flight

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My Final Dance Marathon

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This past week has been insane at work... and it's not over.  I have to go in today (Sunday) and put in another 3-4 hours for the Accolades ceremony.  I've been running around at 60mph and haven't really had a chance to reflect on the fact that I'm leaving this home of mine in four weeks.  Eleven years I've spent in this place... and that really does leave quite a huge amount of emotional baggage.  It all caught up to me yesterday. Dance Marathon has been a part of my life since college.  I helped start it at Bradley University as a morale exec and when I came to Niles West and saw that they had one I got involved as soon as I could.  I put in nine years.  Nine charities, with a new exec group of incredible teenagers each year, and a new incredible cause.  We have raised over $541,000 for amazing home grown charities and have transformed their future possibilities.  We helped kids with autism, youth in Africa, kids with cancer, refugees, and a nature retreat for

The First Mother's Day

This week was May 9th... the really big holiday in Russia that celebrates victory of the Soviets over the Germans in WWII.  The Soviets lost more than any other group during WWII, including the jews... with a total of around 20 million.  It's a big deal.  When my grandfather was alive (who fought in WWII) we would always visit him with flowers and he would wear all of his medals and we would congratulate him on surviving the greatest war and stopping the Nazis so that we (as jewish folk) could continue living and be here prospering. Thank everything that is holy that I will never have to live through a World War or stand on the front lines of battle.  But at the same time I think now more of my grandmother... who had my father while my grandfather was still away cleaning up the mess that WWII left behind in Europe and how she spent all of her first years as a mother on her own without a partner.  I also think about how she was a generally happy and warm woman who always gave to

Knock On Wood

I end up complaining a lot on this blog.  I know this.  It's a way for me to let things go as I write them.  However I do have to say that I'm a very very lucky girl.  The past few weeks have been pretty tough on little kids within my immediate circle.  Two little babies have been diagnosed with cancer.  I cannot imagine such a thing happening to my little girl.  Knock on wood, tfoo tfoo tfoo.  So here is my version of "Dayenu" mama-style.   My pregnancy was incredible.  My labor was without incident.  My child was born completely healthy.  She has continued to be healthy with the exception of a runny nose.  She sleeps well at night in between feedings.  She laughs and has a great personality.  Lilah has amazing hair and gorgeous eyes.  She has thigh folds galore which are completely delicious.  She loves to swim.   Knock on wood.  I love that little lady of mine.

Leaning Out

Six short months ago I read Lean In  and loved it.  I was completely smitten with the idea of having a kid and still being super involved in my work.  I was totally convinced that I was going to have this child and somehow work things out and stay "on the same level" as the men I was surrounded by at work in administration.  I also was sure that I'd have a natural child birth and breastfeed my child and do all that was best for her.  I'd be supermom and super-admin and keep it all together like the feminist that I am. Only now do I realize that all of those things don't necessarily go hand in hand.  In fact... I'm going to go out on a limb and say that as long as a woman is breastfeeding her kids there is no way in hell that they can be as dedicated as a man in the workplace.  It just isn't possible.  I have an extreme situation.  My kid is in daycare right down the hall.  This is quite excellent until it isn't.  I get called out of meetings to go

Yep.

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First Week Complete

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This week was nuts. I had a crazy flu/cold all the while taking kids on Shadow Day field trips, public speaking, mediating drama between students and teachers, and helping close out an auction and organizing a pep assembly... which I actually emceed for the first time ever with practically no voice and a fever. Dear lord in heaven. Here's what I've learned: 1.  I can't do everything.  I need help.  I need to tell others more often when I do need help.  I'm getting better at this (I delegated at work a lot better/ asked for assistance). 2.  The teachers and support staff at my school are dear and wonderful supportive folks. 3.  There's a common bond between all parents of colicky babies.  Every time I uttered the words "she's colicky" to a parent who survived this craziness they shudder and immediately try to hug me.  PTSD isn't just from wars. 4.  I miss my child more than I thought I would.  She's super cute and weekends are going

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder...

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I don't know what specifically I was thinking when I scheduled this week last year.  It's insane.  Today I took a busload of students over to a feeder jr. high in order to welcome the 8th graders.  I have 5 of these in the next week.  I have breakfast with the board tomorrow morning at 7:30am and then have to stay until 6pm with Dance Marathon.  I have to mediate some drama between students as well, and have a meeting with student government leaders and administrators and moderate that too. I have a variety show on Friday, as well as a pep assembly.  And throughout all of this all I really want to do is escape a little and go hang out with my little lady in day care. Today was much rougher than yesterday.  I am realizing how little time I actually get with this little girl of mine...  she wakes up, I scoop her up and feed her and off we go in the car seat.  I come down and visit her 3-4 times throughout the day to feed her and burp her... and each time she looks significantl

First Day

Holy hell. It's 9:15 and I'm wrecked.  Today was my first day back and it was definitely a whirlwind.  I woke up at 6:25, jumped in the shower, got my pj's on (it was pajama day), packed up supplies and fed the little lady and packed her up and we hit the road by 7:15.  I didn't get breakfast in, but we got in on time.  I dropped her off and didn't really have a hard time saying goodbye since I knew I'd be back multiple times throughout the day to feed her.  I had many people stop and ask me "how I was doing" with the expectation of me bursting into tears... but I'm going to go ahead and guess that these folks didn't have colicky babies.  :)  It was however so nice to be welcomed back to the building by so many lovely and caring teachers.  The teachers in this building are so lovely to work with... I had lunch supplied to me as well as chocolate chip cookies and quite a few wonderful folks who stopped in to check on me. Let me start by say

The end is nigh...

Tomorrow is my last day of maternity leave.  It's pretty crazy that I haven't been "working" for 15 weeks.  I'm so excited to go back to "work" because it's a hell of a lot easier than sitting home with a baby.  My days have literally just melded into one continuous stream, and they have flown by.  FLOWN.  I don't think I really truly believe that this little lady flew out of me over 3 months ago!  So here are some of my take aways, and things I'm freaking out over. I think it's going to be very very good for her to get out of our house.  I don't know how much more laying around on the same play gym she really could have taken. I'm worried about her getting sick.  I know it's going to happen almost instantly and she's been healthy this entire time (knock on wood).  She isn't exactly an easy baby and I'm very scared of how she'll be when sick. I'm very ready to talk to adults.  There is oh-so-much dram

First Night Away

Man oh man.  We did it! We escaped for (almost) 24 hours from our home and it was splendid.  Really really good. We put the little lady down (almost) or at least got her settled enough and then grabbed our suitcase (mostly filled with lactation accessories) and jumped in a taxi and went to Tru.  It was a fabulous 4 hour meal.  (4 hours!!!)   We had cocktails and filled ourselves to the gills with an incredible dinner (really really good) and then went over to the Hyatt.  That was a fun experience.  We were checking in and the lady behind the counter asked for our last name, when I said Pritzker she laughed as if we were joking.  Turned out the room was under Ogulnik since that was still on my priceline account. Then I handed her my license and she was clearly weirded out.  She then said "well you clearly know all of the facilities..." and when I said I didn't she looked at me like she was being Punk'd.  Pretty funny. :)   We slept.  (WE SLEPT!!!) I was awakened

Becoming Bipolar/ OCD/ Scizophrenic and Other Conditions

We are going on week 13 of staying at home with a baby.  I'm starting to crack a little around the edges.  Each day is the same.  We wake, we eat something and maybe sneak in a shower, he goes to work and I am left with the little lady.  I try to clean up and tidy up but sometimes the most I can do when she falls asleep is simply sit on the couch and stare out at a TV or Facebook (it's a verb).  Her naps are so irregular and so hard to achieve that at times I become a raving lunatic obsessing and scouring the interwebs for things like "can child get sick from no sleep" "how to put child down without screaming fits" "how long should 3 month old stay up between naps" "how to fight 45 minute naps" and so on.  Each and every search at this point results in purple links... meaning I've been there before and read this before and now I'm desperately clinging to answers in a world where there are no answers... and I just need to let go.

Беги, Беги, Беги

Today while changing my kidlet before her bath we did the usual.  I took off her outfit, then her dirty diaper and we aired out.  She loves to run on her back during these moments.  So she did.  And I leaned over her and said " Беги,  Беги,  Беги" and she let out a laugh.  A real laugh!  So I did it again.  And she laughed again.  Luckily both dad and I were there.  She got three belly laughs out before it stopped being funny.  But 12 weeks old and we're laughing.  :)  Never mind that it took a solid 2.5 hours to get her to sleep afterwards... the laugh was still pretty solid. 

Surviving My First Weekend "Alone"

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This weekend marks week 12 with the little lady.  I know this is bad to say and will bite me in the butt eventually, but I feel like we bonded and I get her now.  She's a little person all of a sudden and the indecipherable baby is disappearing quickly.  She's got quite the fighting spirit and for some reason I now find it endearing as opposed to infuriating. This weekend Yanik decided to head to NOLA with the boys for a reunion.  I was terrified.  I very nearly sat down and had a hissy fit a few times during the week leading up to his leaving.  Especially a few days prior to his retreat.  She had a hissy fit for approximately 3 hours where I couldn't get her down which ended in me roaming the streets with her in the stroller screaming and me crying hysterically.  It wasn't pretty.  I didn't break down though.  I put forth a brave face (kinda) and told Yanik to go and have a good time.  I'll get my getaway eventually and will have this as a bargaining chip.  

Pros and Cons of Being an "Older" Mama

I'm an "old" mom.  Weird, since I don't really feel so old.  But true.  The average age of a first time mama in the US is 25.  I'm 33.  I've been thinking a lot about how this has affected me and my way of perceiving parenthood and how I act as a mama.  Let's start with the pros (since I'm an optimist). I'm not constantly questioning myself about whether or not I'm doing something the "right" way.  I've heard enough of my friends say how there is no right way... and seeing how they all have different styles and have children that survived babyhood, I believe. I didn't have to buy tons of stuff.  In fact I have my wonderful BFF OS to thank for that.  I inherited more stuff than any human should ever own.   I'm more than willing to accept help from family and friends.  I have seen how this can make such a huge difference in mama happiness and am totally thankful for all of the support that we have. I have a wealth of

A Special Shout Out...

I've been meaning to do a special shout out to three ladies in my life that have made the past 11 weeks bearable.  It goes without saying that my parents and Yan's parents have been fantastic... but these three ladies went above and beyond in the friend department. I won't use names.  BB, AB, and OI you three have really been so so wonderful to me.  BB, you get what I'm going through because you're going through it at the same time... except with two little people instead of my one.  AND you never whine.  And that is fabulous and empowering.  AB, you check in on me on the regular and come by on the weekends and bake.  Dear lord do you bake woman!  And finally OI, you took this opportunity to come by and check in on us multiple times due to the fact that you know how much it helped you... and that is wonderful and amazing and I appreciate your reaching out. There are many other people such as MG who came by one day and talked to me. Or JC who came by with food and
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Our first train ride.  Lunch with daddy.  :) 

Bad Days

So I've become addicted to the show "Scandal" while being home with baby.  40 minute episodes are perfect for a baby that will NEVER take a nap longer than 40 minutes (this should change sometime soon I'm told, but dear lord that time can't happen soon enough).  In the show there is a secret agency that trains assassins... blah blah blah... but the point is that in order to punish these assassins they put them in "the hole" for a week or a month or so and take away all human contact.   This reminds me of motherhood on bad days. For an extrovert such as myself staying home with baby all day long is really really hard.  Friends are busy during the work week with things such as work and busy with their own children on the weekends... and by the time the husband comes home my brain is fried and his is too and socializing is a thing that is just hard. It's kind of like napping.  Babies supposedly nap worse when they are overtired.  I socialize

If Men Gave Birth...

I've been thinking about this ever since I left the hospital.  If men gave birth... the world would be a very different place. First off, mothers wouldn't only be in the hospital for 48 hours.  Imagine a man pushing a baby out of himself and then hiking home and being expected to care for another.  Wouldn't happen.  Hospital stays would be covered for a minimum of a week... and people would definitely care for you for a much much longer time.  There's no way you'd be sent home with a squeeze bottle and a bag of icy pads and told "good luck!" There would be expectant mother and new mother parking in every single parking lot.  Especially in areas where it snows and has sub-zero temperatures. There would be a lane devoted to mothers on the roads.  Babies freak out at every red light.  They like motion.  It would be similar to how ambulances function at lights.  Each new mother would get a little button thingy that could turn lights from red to green an