Mama Thoughts

We're approaching month 11.  I'm still breastfeeding this little person the best that I can.  I haven't written about this as I think it's TMI, but it's such a big part of my struggle and stress and I am ready to dish.  I pump twice daily to get her a bottle at daycare.  Who knows why... maybe it's because I didn't actually establish a pumping routine until we were 8 months in, or because that's just the way my mammaries work but for some unknown godforsaken reason I can feed my kid just fine when we're together but the pump doesn't do much.  It takes me about 15 minutes to get 2 ounces if I'm lucky.  I devote some 50 minutes a day to go sit in a closet for almost 4 oz of breast milk.  It's just insanity.  I eat oatmeal, I drink disgusting teas and vitamins, I down almost a gallon of water a day... but that's all I get.  We make it work.  She drinks water and gets this and I feed her when we're face to face about 3 times a day.  ...

This week was tough. I had parent teacher conferences for the first time at GBS and one of the by-products of not having a strong union is that we had a normal start time the morning after.  So... 14 hour workday, get home at 9:30,  and then up at 6 to be at work by 7:30.  ROUGH.  So Friday was a long tough day and I was super ready for this weekend. Enter husband after a conference at 7pm on Friday night and he runs to the bathroom with some horrendous case of food poisoning and collapses in bed.  He continues to be immobile all day Saturday.  So! Little girl and me all day long. I'm exhausted. Dear lord.  Single mothers.  How the HECK do you do this?  I need like 12 hours of sleep, a massage, 1/2 a bottle of wine intravenously and the a mini vacation. She's cute.  But parenting is definitely a two-person job.  

Being a mama doesn't make you always the most rational. I have lots of helpers, but it's amazing how some days you really just want some quiet down time with your kid and you can't because of all of the helpers, and instead of you being rational and thinking "hey self! Wow! You're so lucky to have so much help!" you think "baby! mine! back away! give me baby!" and other such well-thought-out nuggets of rational thought. I become super sensitive to criticism.  I'm not one to be this way.  I was raised by Soviet folk and always had too many relatives around to give me unsolicited advice that wasn't ever nicely phrased or politically correct.  I can react well to comments such as "you look like an overstuffed sausage in that" or "you look like you got dressed by a parrot this morning" with grace and calm.  But some days someone jokes with my child saying "wow! What was mommy thinking?" and regardless of the ton...

It's crazy.  I know kids that I take as the same age as my little lady and they are starting to turn one.  We're not there yet, but this is flying by at a crazy clip.  She's getting bigger and bigger, starting to stand up in her crib, want to stand and reach for new things and I kinda want things to slow down a little.  This is why people have more than one kid... they want to savor these baby moments and bring them back again. So here are some things I hope I don't forget about this magical time in our little lady's life. She does this thing where she sucks on her lower lip when she's tired.  She calms herself down with her pajama, but when it isn't available she'll take any fabric available (she pulled down my head today to get at the bandanna I had in my hair) and tuck it in between her lower lip and her teeth and just pulse her little lip in a sucking motion.  I think it's adorable. She's started giggling when she gets tickled.  She'...

Baby came down with her first cold last weekend (which is pretty great considering she's almost 10 months old).  She was pretty whiney and sniffly and got over it by Monday morning for the most part.  48 hours of tough.  Not so bad.  We woke up sick on Tuesday morning, and it's just been getting worse.  She's sleeping well now, but we're slightly destroyed.  Things I've learned: 1.  Thank the lord for daycare on days such as this.  Taking care of a baby while sick yourself shouldn't be legal.  Thank you daycare... I love you. 2.  Baby breastfeeding while congested sounds like a little piglet.  Very sad, very funny-  I struggle between giggling and feeling very very sorry for her. 3. Parents that have sick babies are really so incredible.  I think about people who have babies that are born with health complications and the kind of resolve that they must have.  Knock-on-wood, I have new found respect and admirati...

I'm not a really patient person with the people who deserve my patience the most.  It's how most people are with people in their lives, but it still upsets me to know that the folks that I should treasure the most I tend to dump on.  My mom, my husband... it's not a pretty trait and it's one that I need to work on.  I know how to be stubborn and stick to my guns even when it's hurting me the most.  Similar to my child when she puts up a crazy fight when I get out the Nose Frida.  That junk has got to come out of your nose little girl, and it would be much easier if you didn't thrash like I was about to pith you and require two fully-grown adults to hold you down.  Crazy. Yom Kippur is the day of atonement and when we're supposed to ask for forgiveness for all that we do to the people we love in our lives (and those we don't).  Thankfully, I've recently learned to apologize to the people in my lives more easily and so I don't wait for just one ...

Thank god for block scheduling. I only have to teach two groups of students each day.  That's pretty sweet... especially since this particular day followed a night where we had 4 wake-ups.  This little girl has figured out that she sees me less during the day while I work and if she cries Mom shows up.  She doesn't really eat... just reaches out her adorable little hand through the darkness and feels my face.  Which is really cute! Except for that we're doing this four times a night?? Not so cute.  Mom's tired. I'm pretty much ready to nip this night-waking thing in the bud. But I'm not sure if she's teething or being social or actually hungry (which I doubt more than any of the other ones).  I'm going to start waiting longer and sending in dad occasionally which I didn't do before because I wasn't working... but those days are over.  :) I'm rolling around on empty... but work is still great.  I do love the scheduling, I love the abili...